merryghoul: fi and sam (fi and sam)
[personal profile] merryghoul
Title: The Birthday Date | AO3
Author: [personal profile] merryghoul
Wordcount: 1657
Rating: PG-13
Characters: Fiona, Sam, Michael, Jesse
Pairing: Fiona/Sam
Contains: violence, non-sexual bondage
Beta: P
Notes: for [personal profile] bring_me_sugar for the 2013 Galentine's Day exchange
Summary: Fiona skips a birthday date and takes a job for Sam. None of the following goes as expected.


"Look, Michael," Fiona said, passing the Lifestyle section of The Miami Herald to him. "Celebrity birthdays. Not only is it my birthday today, it's the birthday of my celebrity doppelganger."

"The woman who was in Scent of a Woman."

"Yeah, her. I'm so glad she doesn't make movies anymore or live in Miami. Makes it that much easier to blend in with the locals. So where are you taking me tonight for dinner? Michael's Genuine? Michy's? The Pollo Tropical on 118th? And don't say the Pollo Tropical on 118th."

"The Forge."

"How did you know, Michael?"

"You keep telling me to get reservations every other week, Fi." Michael gave Fiona a nervous smile.

As soon as Michael said that, Sam appeared at their table at Carlito's.

"I'm sorry to break up your real date, Mikey, but I need Fi for a fake date at the Arsht Center tonight. Oh, and I need a beer for right now."

Fiona glared at Sam. "What's happening at the Arsht Center tonight, Sam, and why is it getting in the way of my date?"

"It's an opera called Cold Sassy Tree."

Fiona continued to glare at Sam.

"I'm not talking about you, geez. It's an opera about some people from a town in Georgia. It's not usually my type of thing, but I have a client that needed some last-minute security."

"Doesn't the Arsht Center have its own security, Sam?"

"They do, but the people planning to nab him are working at the Arsht Center. They're already blending in before the opera starts."

"So the people attempting to nab your client are going to try to snatch him up between acts."

"Most likely."

Fiona sighed. "I'm only doing this because...you are who you are."

"Thanks, Fi."

"Do you think I can sneak my Walther in the opera house? They don't have metal detectors or pat people down there, right?"

Sam shrugged. "As long as they can't tell you have a gun on you, I don't see why not."

Fiona grinned.

"Who am I going to the Forge with, Fi?"

"Oh, I don't know, Michael. Jesse? Think of it as a date between friends."

Michael smiled another nervous smile.


Cold Sassy Tree is separated into three acts. After the break between the first and second acts of the opera, Fiona and Sam found themselves at concessions, drinking champagne. Well, for Sam, he was drinking two flutes of champagne at the same time while Fiona was drinking one.

"I can't believe I'm spending my birthday with you and not with my boyfriend."

"Don't be too sad. Valentine's Day is ten days away. Can't Mikey book reservations at the Forge then?"

"Oh, he can book reservations on Valentine's Day...six months from now for next year. It's Valentine's Day, Sam. Restaurants, hotels, spas, night clubs--they're all booked up. Michael would be lucky to book a booth at a McDonald's at the last minute on Valentine's Day. Of course you wouldn't know, since your sugar mamas pay for all your Valentine's Day accommodations."

"Hey, you should be lucky you have a date on your birthday. You could be all alone with your hand in your--"

Fiona put her hand in Sam's face as if to stop him. "You see that, Sam? Our client went to the bathroom. Four security guys followed him in."

There was a pause between them.

"You should go first in case someone stops me."

Sam walked ahead of Fiona, his hand on his Beretta in his pocket. Fiona followed him to the men's room.

Sam went into the restroom. Outside, Fiona could hear the men scuffling.

The scuffling stopped. Two of the men hoisted Sam and their client out of the bathroom.

Fiona ran into the bathroom, her hands ready to hoist up her dress and grab her Walther.

The next thing she saw was a gun butt coming for her head.


Fiona woke up gagged and tied to a chair. She wriggled her fingers and, in the process, felt Sam's fingers. His fingers were moving as well. Fiona deduced that Sam was awake, but he was also gagged.

Next, Fiona felt her restraints. She could sense she was bound by an S-twist rope made out of a natural fiber. It was exactly what Fiona was hoping the crooked security guards would use on her.

Tied around her wrist and hidden under her watch was a long, thin piece of string and a hairpin. Fiona took off her watch and let it fall to the floor. She pulled the hairpin from the string and used it to unravel the knot on her string. Wrapping the loosened string on her fingers, she moved the string against the rope until the rope started separating. Minutes later, her hands were free. Fiona stood up, removed her cloth gag and picked up her watch. She sighed. "That's the last time I let $3000 worth of jewelry hit a floor."

The kidnappers tied Sam and Fiona's wrists separately before tying them together. Fiona walked in front of Sam and grinned. Sam yelled through his gag.

"I should keep you like this, Sam. It'll teach you how to behave."

Sam kept yelling through his gag.

"Oh, all right. I'm getting my knife out. Hold on."

With her switchblade knife, strapped on her left thigh, Fiona cut Sam's restraints off. She removed his gag.

"Do you think the kidnappers are out of the Arsht Center?" Sam asked. "All I know is we're in some kind of workshop with dim lighting."

"Sam, how am I supposed to know?"

"I was just saying..."

"If I don't have a flashlight. We're in a workshop. They've got to have flashlights and sharp pointy things."

"You want to catch up to them and puncture their tires."

"We call the cops and send our client back to his house. Then I say we blow this opera and swing by the Forge. It's what, about 30 or so blocks away from here on Miami Beach? So glad this guy lives on an island instead of a place like Aventura."

"But Fi, you sent Michael and Jesse together on what would've been your date."

Fiona shrugged. "Eh. We can crash it and make it a table for four. You know I can be very persuasive."

The two walked around the opera house's workshop. They found a couple of flashlights and some "sharp pointy things:" nails, pushpins, broken metal set pieces. Sam and Fiona turned on the flashlights and put the "sharp pointy things" in a bag. Then Fiona pointed the flashlight on the ground. Dirty footprints led out of the workshop.

"These seem recent, don't you think, Sam?"

"You're right."

"Try to catch up, will you? I know it's hard for a man at your age to keep up with someone like me."

Fiona ran out of the workshop while Sam, carrying the "sharp pointy things," followed her.


Fiona and Sam reached a back entrance to the opera house. The four fake security guards were loading their client, tied up and semi-conscious, into a 1980s-era van.

Fiona pulled out her Walther and shot two bullets in the air. The security guards loaded the client in the van and looked at her.

"I'm disheartened that you don't want to stay and find out what happens to Love Simpson. I mean, don't you feel the least bit of pity for her? No?"

The guards ran after Fiona.

"Guess not. "

Fiona led the security guards around the length of the opera house. This allowed Sam to put the "sharp pointy things" under the van's tires.

Sam grabbed Fiona when she returned to the van. The two hid back into the opera house, cracking the door to watch the van.

"You did bring a cell phone, right?" Fiona whispered.

"I'm calling 911 for you right now, sister."

Sam pulled out his cell phone from his other pocket and called 911.

"Hello, operator? I'm walking around one of the back entrances of the Ziff Ballet Opera House on 13th and Bayshore Drive. There are four guys loading another guy in a van. I think he might be trying to kidnap someone."

The security guards started up their van. They ran over the "sharp pointy things" and were forced to stop the van. The security guards got out of the van and inspected the deflated tires, cursing as they did so.

The police arrived at the back of the opera house. The security guards fled. The police followed them.

Fiona checked her watch. "It's only a little after nine. Time to celebrate my birthday."

Fiona and Sam headed to the van. They opened the back doors.

"We're going to have to take you home," she said to their client. "You can pay us later, and we owe you a performance of Cold Sassy Tree. Right now, you're ruining my birthday dinner."


A few white lies to the management later and Fiona, along with Sam, Michael, and Jesse, were sitting together at the Forge.

"I thought you wanted Jesse and me to have a romantic dinner together," Michael said over their appetizer.

"This is a terrible date, Fi," Jesse said. "This place doesn’t serve sandwiches."

"Two's a company," Fiona said. "My birthday deserves a crowd. Don't worry; the meal's on me. It is Sam's fault we're sharing this dinner together."

"Hey, you took the job. Don't take it out on me."

"Is there some place we can go after this dinner?" Jesse asked.

"We could go to a bar for drinks," Fiona said. "Or we can all go back to the loft instead."

"Fi, why are we all going back to the loft?"

Fiona looked at Michael. "What's wrong with a private party at the loft? You can all stay over until the morning."

The guys looked at Fiona.

"It's my birthday. I get what I want."

She wriggled her eyebrows.

They grinned at each other before returning to their appetizers.

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