a merry ghoul (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
merryghoul) wrote2017-01-06 02:52 pm
merryghoul) wrote2017-01-06 02:52 pm
Repost: Doctor Who (2005) fic: Invasion of the Ice Warriors
This fic was originally posted on 22 December 2011 for ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-community.gif)
christmasbang on LJ, a now defunct Christmas-themed bang, obviously. I decided to repost this to clean up some of the HTML and because I wanted the hyperlinks to reflect my username change without redirects. The header has also been changed because the artist who worked on the art for this fic deleted their journal. (And there's nothing to warn for in this fic, really.) I never saved the art, alas.
Title: Invasion of the Ice Warriors | AO3 | Teaspoon (new link)
Fandom: Doctor Who
Word Count: 5237
Rating: PG
Characters/Pairings: Eleven/River
Summary: The Doctor and River are in Paris to spend a Christmas together. A sudden snowfall hits Paris, and it's up to the Doctor and River to find out who's behind the snowfall. But there may be more forces at work against them both....
“Doctor, are you sure no one is going to notice the TARDIS in this building?” River said as she and the Doctor were getting out of the TARDIS. The TARDIS was parked inside the Hôtel de Ville, the centre for city administration in Paris.
“This building is huge. And it’s Christmas. No one’s going to care about a big blue box in the middle of the Hôtel de Ville. Come along, River.”
River and the Doctor walked through the ornate halls in the Hôtel de Ville. River looked up. “This building has some of the most elaborate frescoes I have ever seen. No wonder why you parked the TARDIS here.”
The Doctor hesitated. “Yes, River, this is exactly why I parked the TARDIS in the Hôtel de Ville.”
“Where are we going first, Doctor? The Louvre?”
“Oh. I already did the Louvre.”
“With who? I know not the TARDIS, unless you had a lift.”
“Romana, one of my companions.”
“Romana?”
“We were never romantically involved. I don’t think she’s even alive anymore. At least my Romana, anyway.”
“What about the Eiffel Tower?”
“I already did that with Romana. And a couple of other companions, but Romana.”
“Well, what didn’t you do with Romana, Doctor?”
“We didn’t come to Paris when it was Christmastime.”
“Well, that’s a start.” River scoffed.
“Actually, I dematerialized in the Hôtel de Ville so we could go ice skating while the sun sets in front of it. I promise it will be every bit as lovely as the Louvre or the Eiffel Tower. Then…we’ll do the Eiffel Tower. For you, honey.”
“Thank you, sweetie.”
“Maybe this time we’ll actually fly off of it.”
“What?”
“Never mind.”
When the Doctor and River arrived at the skating rink near the Hôtel de Ville, it was beginning to snow. The Doctor looked up at the sky.
“Oh, sweetie, look at the sky. It’s snowing. It’s perfect weather for skating.”
“Yes, but that’s a problem.”
“What? Doctor, are you a chionophobic?”
“A chino-what?”
“A chionophobic. Someone who’s afraid of snow.”
“I knew what you meant, thank you. I couldn’t hear you, River. Of course not. I’m not afraid of snow. The thing is it’s not supposed to snow in Paris, and if it does…it’s not supposed to be this heavy. Even if the last couple of years brought in some heavy snowfall.”
The snowfall at the rink quickly increased. It only took minutes for the ground to be covered in an inch of snow. Skaters were quickly getting off the rink.
“I can feel the temperature in Paris is quickly dropping. Maybe I have a weather detector in my pockets.”
The Doctor searched his trench coat pockets. He pulled out a few things that were lodged in them—red and blue 3D glasses, a yo-yo and a bag that used to hold jelly babies. He then pulled out a package of Jammie Dodgers. “River, would you like a Jammie Dodger?”
“I’m not interested, Doctor.”
He put the Jammie Dodger in his pocket and continued searching for his weather detector.
River looked at a thermometer near the rink. “It’s 25 degrees below Celsius.”
The Doctor stopped searching for his weather detector and put the things he took out of his pockets back in them. “Twenty-five degrees? That’s colder than the coldest temperature on record in Paris.”
“Which is?”
“Twenty-three point nine degrees Celsius.”
“The temperature’s still dropping.”
“We have to get back in the TARDIS. I need to monitor the Earth’s weather. I really don’t think this is an isolated incident.”
The Doctor and River ran back into the Hôtel de Ville and the TARDIS. The Doctor pulled down his monitor to access weather channels from across the world. Intergalactic satellite television was a feature he installed in his previous incarnation and kept in this incarnation because, in his opinion, satellite television was cool.
“Let’s see—temperatures are hitting record lows in New York, Madrid, St. Petersburg, Tokyo, Cape Town, Sydney and in the Chilean city of Osorno. Everywhere but near the Equator is cooling off.”
“What could be causing this weather, Doctor?”
“Some interplanetary device is causing the Earth to gradually pull itself away from the Sun. This device is somehow not affecting Earth’s orbit as of yet, because the sun is still setting in Paris. And”—The Doctor pressed a few buttons on the TARDIS console. “The Earth is on a collision course with Mars. And the source”—The Doctor pressed more buttons on the console and turned a few knobs. “Is a base in the southernmost ice cap. Ice Warriors.” The Doctor started dematerializing from the Hôtel de Ville.
“Ice Warriors?”
“Ice Warriors. Think of those little green men from Mars, except not really. They’re these tall, green Martian people that like to whisper and hiss a lot. I’m not sure why, and I’ve read every book I can about them. It’s been years since I’ve encountered them. And right now, they’re not in a very peaceful mood. They won’t be until probably the next century.”
The TARDIS was now hurtling towards Mars and the base at the ice cap.
“I’m so sorry, River, but short vacations have become the norm for me.”
“You’re sorry? I’m going to Mars! Why wouldn’t I be excited?”
***
River and the Doctor stepped out of the TARDIS into the Ice Warrior base. The metal walls of the base were shiny.
“I think our friends the Ice Warriors have recently built this base.”
“How did they build this? There isn’t any metal on Mars, other than rovers and landers.”
“I assume some of their people went to Earth to grab Earth tools to make this base. Their land has been slowly dying. Who knows how many humans the Ice Warriors have killed to build this one base? The Ice Warriors literally making the world freeze over to live on Earth makes sense. It’s the killing off of humans I don’t get. I mean, they’ll still have to battle with Silurians and Sea Devils. None of them will win.”
River and the Doctor walked around the makeshift base until the two found a room with a lander in it. It was the only room in the base that had a window in it. Earth could gradually be seen coming closer towards Mars through the window.
River gasped. “It’s the American Mars Polar Lander that crashed in 1998. Somehow the Ice Warriors connected a power source to the lander to take Earth off of its gravitational pull and pull it towards Mars.”
The Doctor crouched under the lander and examined the cords plugged under it.
“River, I need your help. We need to switch around these cords so Earth will go back into its orbit.”
A scaly hand covered River’s mouth and quietly took her out of the room with the lander. The Doctor turned around. “River? River? I’ve just discovered something the two of us can do that’s simple yet brilliant and I want you to shower me with compliments and ‘sweeties’ and ‘I couldn’t tell you because it was a spoilers’!”
A seven foot tall lizard-like humanoid, green in colour, walked into the Mars Polar Lander room. He was carrying a sonic gun. “Doctor, we’ve been expecting you,” the humanoid hissed.
In a room nearby the lander room, River and the Doctor were strapped down on tables. River had a device consisting of metal straps and two cogs on either side of the straps.
“This reminds me of the time you took me to Disneyland.”
“I don’t remember...oh, wait. Spoilers.”
“Spoilers.”
“The War Lord Hasdaal requests your silence. Our people are seeking a new home on Earth.”
“What’s wrong with Mars?” the Doctor asked.
“We are being evacuated. If we reveal who is taking over Mars, they will kill us. We are fleeing to Earth to start a new civilization.”
“You sound like my own people. Thankfully, the majority are dead.”
“What does that mean?”
“If I can stop my own people from attempting to pull Earth to Gallifrey to colonize it, I certainly can stop Ice Warriors from taking Earth out of its orbit to get it to freeze over.”
“That will not happen.”
“You have a mind rack on River’s head, I know. You had brain-racks in 2157. That version of me that liked question mark sweaters and question mark umbrellas and rrrolling his rrrs knows about brain-racks. This is a more primitive version of that rack.”
“That is correct, Doctor. You are powerless to help your human friend out of her brain-rack. We are going to interrogate her and see how useful she is to us.”
“Oh, I’m not worried about River. She can help herself.”
Hasdaal twisted the cogs on the sides of River’s brain-rack. “Who are you?” he asked.
“Doctor River Song.” Her voice sounded robotic-like. Her eyes rolled in the back of her head.
“Occupation?”
“Archaeologist.”
“How do you know the Doctor?”
“I’m his wife.”
“Your brain is telling me you have attempted to kill someone in the past. Is this true?”
“Yes.”
“Good.”
Hasdaal unstrapped River from the table. River stood up.
“You are equipped with your own gun, correct?”
“Yes.”
“Kill the Doctor.”
River walked to the bound Doctor. She had her hand on her gun.
“Kill the Doctor.”
River put her hand on the trigger of her gun.
“What are you waiting for? Kill the Doctor. My rulers will not tolerate your delays.”
River pointed the gun at the Doctor. She slowly moved the gun away from the Doctor and put the barrel of the gun on top of the brain-rack. River pulled the trigger, shattering the brain-rack in several pieces. The pieces grazed the Doctor’s coat and cut Hasdaal.
“What did you do to my brain-rack?”
“I was able to resist it. It wasn’t hard—I thought of the good times I’ve had with my Doctor. And I’m crazy enough to aim a gun near my own head.” River pointed the gun at the War Lord, between his eyes. “You’re lucky I’m feeling merciful right now. If you don’t want to see your head get blown off, I suggest you let me strap you down on that table.”
Hasdaal aimed his gun at River.
“Oh, are you going to threaten my life with a sonic gun? I know about Ice Warrior anatomy. You can’t aim while I’m pointing my gun between your eyes.”
Hasdall dropped his gun and lay on the table. River strapped Hasdall on the table. She used her gun to break the Doctor’s restraints, starting with his legs, then his wrists and finally his neck restraint.
“I quite liked seeing pictures of you with the sweater and umbrella,” River said as she was freeing the Doctor from his bonds. “Why didn’t you keep that hat? It looks better than that blasted fez you tried to wear. Or even that cowboy hat. Please don’t wear that cowboy hat again. “
“It was cool, back in the eighties. And I was not a nice person then, which made that hat cooler. That hat isn’t cool now. Remind me to tell you about my adventures with Ace after we figure out how to push the Earth back in orbit.”
“So, what do we do now, Doctor?”
“I told you, we’re—oh, you were kidnapped when I was being brilliant. O...kay. We’re going to look under the lander and rearrange some cords so we can get the Earth back in orbit. Then, we’re going to look for an air car.”
“An air car?”
“The Ice Warriors use air cars to get around Mars. They should be using them now. I’m amazed Earth scientists haven’t discovered air cars flying around on satellite. Let’s get back to the lander.”
The Doctor and River ran back to the lander room. Once there, they crawled under the lander. The Doctor grabbed two cords in his hands.
“I’m going to move this cord”—the Doctor jiggled the cord in his left hand—“and put it into that socket.” He jiggled the right cord. “I need you to tell me if the Earth is going back to its orbit or not.”
“Right.”
River stood up and looked out the window. The Doctor switched the cords around.
“Is the Earth going back to its orbit?”
“Yes, Doctor.”
The Doctor pulled his sonic screwdriver out of his coat pocket. After the screwdriver was applied to it the lander began to smoke. It sparked a little bit.
“And now the lander cannot pull Earth towards Mars.”
“What now?”
“We run and make sure there aren’t any more Ice Warriors in this building.”
The Doctor and River ran around in the small building. Hasdall, who was still confined in the brain-rack room, appeared to be the only Ice Warrior in the building. Satisfied, they both ran to a garage-type area in the building where two air cars, which resembled Earth hovercrafts, were waiting. The Doctor unlocked the car with his sonic screwdriver. River and the Doctor hopped in the car and drove away from the makeshift base. The Doctor was driving.
“Are you sure you can drive this car? You can barely drive the TARDIS.”
“Of course I can, River. I used to drive Earth cars.”
“‘Used to’ is not a good sign, Doctor.”
“We don’t even know where the rest of the Ice Warriors are on this planet.”
“Correction: We do. There’s a tracker on the car. See?” The Doctor pointed to a green grid in the car’s dashboard. “It’s saying there’s a lot of activity near the middle of the southern ice cap. If we drive there, then maybe we can stop the Ice Warriors from whatever they’re planning to do next.”
The Doctor drove as fast as he could to get from the lander base to the southern ice cap of Mars. The air car top speed was 161 kilometres per hour and the distance from the base to the ice cap was almost 932 kilometres.
By the time the Doctor and River made it to the ice cap, an Ice Warrior had stepped inside a spaceship. The spaceship’s main door had shut. In a matter of moments, the Ice Warrior spaceship launched off of Mars and headed towards Earth, still going back to its regular orbit.
“I don’t care what you say, Doctor, I’m driving the air car back to the base and the TARDIS back to earth. Knowing you, we’d get back to Earth on Christmas Eve 1911.”
The Ice Warriors landed east of Paris, near the commune of Clamart. An army of 50 Ice Warriors emerged from the Martian ship. They marched about 10 kilometres to the 4th arrondissement and the Hôtel de Ville. Along the way the Ice Warriors used their sonic guns to clear the roads of snow, ice and cars (which were pushed off of the roads). Few humans tried to oppose the Ice Warriors as they marched toward the Hôtel de Ville, but the few that did eventually had sonic holes drilled into their brains. By the time the Ice Warriors were at the Hôtel de Ville, the patrons that had been ice skating there had fled.
The Ice Warriors marched into the Hôtel de Ville. The TARDIS dematerialized inside the Hôtel de Ville at the same time, right in front of the Ice Warriors.
“I told you I could fly the TARDIS back,” River said as she shut the TARDIS door closed.
Meanwhile, the Doctor had his arms behind his back. “Hello, Ice Warriors. I’m the Doctor and this is my wife, River. Wife, introduce yourself.”
“Hello.”
“I know why you came to Paris. I mean, other than the fact that I already stopped you from taking over England. You wanted to get rid of me before you attempted to take over the world. I’m disappointed. I thought you would attempt to disperse and go to all the major cities, hold the government offices hostage and then take over Earth. That’s what I would’ve done anyway. Not that I would do that. Anyway, it is almost Christmas Day. You are ruining Christmas for so many people right now, including myself. River and I are giving all 50 of you a chance to go back to your spaceship and go back to Mars.”
“What happens if we do not want to go back to Mars?”
“Oh, you’re a Grand Marshall. I can tell because of your sparkly, jewel-ly hat. Where’s your Supreme Lord?”
“On Mars.”
“You’re all renegades. Like me, except you’re planning to do terrible things to the Earth. Enough chatter. It’s Christmas and every one of us should be home, including you.”
“Doctor, we cannot go home. We cannot fight the intruders of our homelands.”
“Who are these intruders?”
“We cannot tell you. We would rather be here.”
“River, the earplugs.”
River inserted earplugs in her and the Doctor’s ears.
“You should’ve gone home when you had the chance.”
The Doctor had his sonic screwdriver in one hand and a megaphone in the other. He put the screwdriver against the megaphone. The Ice Warriors ran out of the Hôtel de Ville.
“Should we follow them? We need to make sure they get back to their ship.”
“How are we going to follow them?”
“In the TARDIS.” River ran back into the TARDIS.
“In the TARDIS?”
River was on the TARDIS console. She pulled down the monitor. The Doctor stood in the doorway of the TARDIS. “You told me one of your incarnations drove a TARDIS on a highway. If you can do that, then I can follow the Ice Warriors back to their ship.”
“Are you mad?”
“I’m mad about you, sweetie.”
River started the TARDIS up and flew it directly out of a window of the Hôtel de Ville. The Doctor shut the door.
“I’m sure the French government will replace that window. It’s pocket change to them.”
“I’m sure it is.” The Doctor was still bewildered.
She followed the Ice Warriors back to their ship in Clamart. All 50 Ice Warriors boarded their ship and flew back to Mars. River continued to follow them.
The TARDIS landed 50 kilometres away from where the Ice Warriors landed their ship, this time near the Karzok Crater, a crater just outside of Olympus Mons.
“I’m still not letting you drive the TARDIS on a regular basis,” the Doctor said as River adjusted the monitor of the TARDIS towards the Ice Warrior’s ship.
“You’re just jealous I’m a better driver than you are.”
“That’s only because the TARDIS recognizes you as her child. Of...sorts.”
The Ice Warriors stepped out of their ship, onto the planet they previously attempted to get away from permanently. After getting out of their ship the Ice Warriors stood motionless outside their ship. Their sonic weapons were not raised. A Dalek Saucer soon appeared in front of the Ice Warriors and their ship.
“That’s what scared the Ice Warriors off of Mars. Daleks.”
“We’re lucky I didn’t kill Hasdall back at that lander. Maybe we can use him.”
Hundreds of Daleks emerged from the saucer and surrounded the Ice Warriors. A black Dalek, the Supreme Dalek, moved away from the army of Daleks. A Supreme Lord of the Ice Warriors walked towards the Supreme Dalek.
“Why are you here?” the Supreme Dalek asked.
“We were on our way here, Dalek.”
“Lies. You tried to escape. We saw your spaceship land in Earth.”
“We were trying to recruit humans for your cause. We were getting them ready for work on Mars. Mars has a cooler climate than Earth. You of all Daleks should know this.
“More lies. You are all needed in the metal works. March or you will be exterminated.”
The Daleks in front of the Ice Warriors headed towards a passageway in the crater. The Ice Warriors followed them, followed by the Daleks behind them.
“No wonder the Ice Warriors tried to escape,” the Doctor said. “Ice Warriors don’t like heat. They like the cold. The last place the Ice Warriors would be is at Olympus Mons—they wouldn’t be able to handle the heat from the volcano. The Daleks are taking advantage of this, all at the cost of the Ice Warriors providing labour for their...next...destructy-thing. River, back to the lander.”
River started the TARDIS up and in seconds the TARDIS was transported 1500 kilometres to the sight of the Mars Polar Lander. Once the two were inside the lander base, they walked to the brain-rack room, where Hasdall was still tied to his platform. River freed him by shooting her gun at his restraints. Once he was freed, Hasdall stood up.
“My apologies, human female.”
“Well, actually, I’m part Time Lord. I’ll take that as a complement. And please, call me River.”
“We were trying to escape the Daleks. All of them are centred in Olympus Mon, but a small group of them battled the cold and found all the Ice Warrior tribes on the planet. They know about our sonic technology. They invaded Mars to steal our technology to use it against Earth. They want us to make sonic devices on their armour that will paralyze a lot of Earth creatures. Then the Daleks would kill or enslave the survivors of Earth. They are almost done. They wanted to be ready before some important Earth holiday.”
“Would that holiday be Christmas?”
“Yes, Doctor, Christmas.
“I managed to sneak out of the Dalek compound with a few others of my kin in a Dalek spaceship to an Earth device close to one of our ice compounds. There we built a base around the Earth device with the spaceship pieces. Our goal was to relocate to Earth.”
“But did you have to attempt to freeze the people of Earth to death to relocate to Earth? You and your kin couldn’t fly to some remote spot in the North Pole or Alaska?”
“There are no tools we can work with on Earth poles. Where the humans live is where the tools are. We had to freeze Earth so we could inhabit it and start a new society.”
“What about the others? You were going to leave them in Olympus Mons while the rest of you decided to have a snow party for 50 of you on Earth?”
“Once we built a machine on Earth that would make us able to compete with the Daleks, we were going to come back and free our brethren. They were going to pick me up as well after the chilling of Earth was complete.
“Let me get this straight.” The Doctor started pacing around the room. “The Daleks invaded your home planet and forced the majority of you to work on their weaponry on one of the hottest parts of your planet. Because the Daleks are making you work near a volcano, the majority of you are unable to fight or leave. Some of you were able to steal and then convert a Dalek spaceship to bring Earth closer to Mars so it would freeze over to near Mars-like temperatures using a broken lander from Earth. While the Earth was freezing, your kin decided that, out of all the places in the world, you were going to invade Paris and demand that the world do your bidding—most likely something along the lines of ‘do not panic, help us aid our kin in Mars, save us from the Daleks’ and all that. Then you would go back and rescue your kin while the Daleks would also come to Earth to conquer all the earth species.” The Doctor took a deep breath. “I apologise, but that...is the dumbest plan I’ve ever heard.”
“We don’t know what to do, Doctor.”
“You didn’t know that extreme cold kills Daleks?”
Hasdall did not respond.
“And extreme heat kills Daleks as well.”
“Well, I knew that,” River said.
“Oh, that’s right. This was before I killed Daleks with liquid ice.”
“The third incarnation. I knew him well.”
“How did you—spoilers, I know.”
“And this was before your people came up with a virus to kill the Daleks. Well, we don’t have time to create a virus to kill the Daleks, but we can annoy them all into Olympus Mon or down to the polar caps. I’ve got a plan. Trust me.”
Hasdall stood alone at the crater entrance to the Daleks’ Olympus Mon factory. He was greeted by the Supreme Dalek.
“You are late.”
“I know, Dalek.”
“Get to work.”
The Supreme Dalek led Hasdall into the factory. The Doctor and River, wearing protective space suits, followed closely behind the Dalek and Hasdall.
“So your fifth incarnation wore these spacesuits.”
“Yes! Aren’t these spacesuits cool?”
“They’re useful, but they’re not cool. We’re storing these in the very back of the wardrobe when we get back, behind one of those blasted scarves.”
Inside Olympus Mons the Ice Warriors were working on the modified sonic weapons for the Daleks’ armour. The most sluggish of the Ice Warriors were forced to pour lava into the weapon moulds. Luckier Ice Warriors were putting pieces of the weaponry together, making sure it worked. The luckiest Ice Warriors were further away from the volcano, fitting sonic weaponry over the Daleks’ weapon arms, replacing their plungers. The Supreme Dalek led Hasdall to the weaponry fitting room.
“This is where you will be working. Get to work.”
Hasdall sat on a stool. Beside him were a pile of Dalek sonic guns. In front of him was a Dalek. Hasdall took his time taking off the Dalek’s plunger. By the time the Dalek’s plunger was off the same Dalek was knocked to the ground. Within minutes his armour exploded.
The Supreme Dalek moved his armour around wildly. “We have an intruder. All Daleks find the intruder.”
“But not all of us have our sonic guns on our armour,” said a lower-ranking Dalek.
“The intruder comes first. The intruder must be exterminated.”
“Were you looking for me?” River waved her gun. She was at the entrance of the section of the volcano where the Dalek weaponry fittings were at. “Come and find me, master race.”
River ran out of the fitting room. The Daleks followed her.
“My brothers and sisters, find every member of our kin in this volcano and lead them out of here,” Hasdall said after the last Dalek flew out to attempt to kill River. The Ice Warriors in the fitting room ran to the other rooms of the volcano to find the rest of their kin.
River ran towards the air car the Doctor and she used to get to the polar cap earlier. It was now parked outside an entrance on the north side of Olympus Mons. River hopped in the air car and sped off towards the southernmost polar cap of Mars. The Daleks followed River’s air car, flying as fast as they could behind her. By the time they realized they were being led to the polar cap, it was too late for them. River landed the air car in the middle of the ice cap. The Daleks slowed down as soon as they reached the ice caps, and by the time they reached River, they had fallen into the ice cap. They shortly exploded in the ice.
River looked at the exploding Daleks through her air car. “What a pleasant surprise. I wasn’t expecting to see fireworks on Christmas Eve.”
In the weaponry production room of Olympus Mons, a voice boomed out over the room: “Merry Christmas, Daleks!” It was the Doctor. He was standing in the doorway with the TARDIS, still wearing his spacesuit. “Guess what? For the first time in the history of the universe, the Daleks have been removed from Santa’s naughty list. And he’s here. He’s actually here, on Mars. You have to follow me to see him.”
“Exterminate the Doctor,” a Dalek roared from the back of the room.
The Doctor drove the TARDIS towards the centre of the volcano, seeking old lava flow trails he believed the Daleks had not found inside the volcano. The Daleks followed him. The closer he drove towards the centre of the volcano, the hotter the passageways were. Finally the Doctor reached a pool of lava, the same pool the Daleks forced the Ice Warriors to make their weapons from. As the Daleks flew towards the pool of lava, they began to slow down. Some Daleks crashed and exploded shortly before they reached the pool of lava, but most fell into the pool of lava and died, melted and exploded into the lava, screaming in agony as they died.
“I lied,” the Doctor yelled from inside the TARDIS. “Santa hasn’t mastered the art of intergalactic travel yet.”
The Doctor was hanging outside the TARDIS door. “War Lord Hasdall, Grand Marshall...Ice Warrior, Supreme Lord Ice Warrior, I know the planet of Mars is dying, but can you please try to stay on your own planet? I can’t promise you that the humans aren’t going to fight back if you try to invade Earth, but there might be a day they might fight back. And they might win over you. You’d be safer if you’d actually stay on your own planet.”
“Yes, Doctor,” Hasdall said.
“I’ll be checking on you in the future. I probably won’t look like this—maybe I’ll have gray hair, a big nose and an Inverness coat, maybe I’ll have curly hair and a really long scarf that, for some reason, my wife hates—I could look like anyone, really—but I’ll be checking on you. And if you get out of line, I will put you back in line. But hopefully you lot will be line.”
“Yes, Doctor.”
“I’m going back home to spend Christmas with my wife in Paris before you interrupted it. Merry Christmas...although you don’t celebrate Christmas.”
The TARDIS dematerialized from Mars.
“This is beautiful, Doctor,” River said as she and the Doctor were finally skating in front of the Hôtel de Ville. “It’s even snowing. Even if it is a light snow. It may not be as exhilarating as rounding up Ice Warriors and fooling Daleks, but this is still beautiful.”
The Doctor wrapped his scarf from his fourth incarnation tighter around River’s neck. The two were skating hand in hand, sharing the same scarf as they skated around the skating rink.
“River?”
“Yes, Doctor?” The two had walked back into the TARDIS.
“I was just wondering, why did it take you so long to warm up to the 18 foot scarf?”
“It’s an eyesore. I only agreed to wear it because it was cold outside.”
“That doesn’t sound like you. You’d want to figure out a way to tie me up with the scarf and then have your way with me. And, since the Hôtel de Ville is closed because of Christmas Day, we could afford to spend a little bit more time with each other before I have to take you back to Stormcage.”
River had a piece of mistletoe in her right hand.
“Where’d you get that?”
“From another trip to England. Without you, I’m sad to report. But you know what to do when I raise this above your head.” River raised the mistletoe above the Doctor’s head. “Right?”
River and the Doctor kissed. She dropped the mistletoe and slowly wrapped the Doctor’s scarf around his body.
“What are you doing?”
River dragged the Doctor to one of the TARDIS’ sleep quarters. “Spoilers.”
christmasbang on LJ, a now defunct Christmas-themed bang, obviously. I decided to repost this to clean up some of the HTML and because I wanted the hyperlinks to reflect my username change without redirects. The header has also been changed because the artist who worked on the art for this fic deleted their journal. (And there's nothing to warn for in this fic, really.) I never saved the art, alas.Title: Invasion of the Ice Warriors | AO3 | Teaspoon (new link)
Fandom: Doctor Who
Word Count: 5237
Rating: PG
Characters/Pairings: Eleven/River
Summary: The Doctor and River are in Paris to spend a Christmas together. A sudden snowfall hits Paris, and it's up to the Doctor and River to find out who's behind the snowfall. But there may be more forces at work against them both....
“Doctor, are you sure no one is going to notice the TARDIS in this building?” River said as she and the Doctor were getting out of the TARDIS. The TARDIS was parked inside the Hôtel de Ville, the centre for city administration in Paris.
“This building is huge. And it’s Christmas. No one’s going to care about a big blue box in the middle of the Hôtel de Ville. Come along, River.”
River and the Doctor walked through the ornate halls in the Hôtel de Ville. River looked up. “This building has some of the most elaborate frescoes I have ever seen. No wonder why you parked the TARDIS here.”
The Doctor hesitated. “Yes, River, this is exactly why I parked the TARDIS in the Hôtel de Ville.”
“Where are we going first, Doctor? The Louvre?”
“Oh. I already did the Louvre.”
“With who? I know not the TARDIS, unless you had a lift.”
“Romana, one of my companions.”
“Romana?”
“We were never romantically involved. I don’t think she’s even alive anymore. At least my Romana, anyway.”
“What about the Eiffel Tower?”
“I already did that with Romana. And a couple of other companions, but Romana.”
“Well, what didn’t you do with Romana, Doctor?”
“We didn’t come to Paris when it was Christmastime.”
“Well, that’s a start.” River scoffed.
“Actually, I dematerialized in the Hôtel de Ville so we could go ice skating while the sun sets in front of it. I promise it will be every bit as lovely as the Louvre or the Eiffel Tower. Then…we’ll do the Eiffel Tower. For you, honey.”
“Thank you, sweetie.”
“Maybe this time we’ll actually fly off of it.”
“What?”
“Never mind.”
When the Doctor and River arrived at the skating rink near the Hôtel de Ville, it was beginning to snow. The Doctor looked up at the sky.
“Oh, sweetie, look at the sky. It’s snowing. It’s perfect weather for skating.”
“Yes, but that’s a problem.”
“What? Doctor, are you a chionophobic?”
“A chino-what?”
“A chionophobic. Someone who’s afraid of snow.”
“I knew what you meant, thank you. I couldn’t hear you, River. Of course not. I’m not afraid of snow. The thing is it’s not supposed to snow in Paris, and if it does…it’s not supposed to be this heavy. Even if the last couple of years brought in some heavy snowfall.”
The snowfall at the rink quickly increased. It only took minutes for the ground to be covered in an inch of snow. Skaters were quickly getting off the rink.
“I can feel the temperature in Paris is quickly dropping. Maybe I have a weather detector in my pockets.”
The Doctor searched his trench coat pockets. He pulled out a few things that were lodged in them—red and blue 3D glasses, a yo-yo and a bag that used to hold jelly babies. He then pulled out a package of Jammie Dodgers. “River, would you like a Jammie Dodger?”
“I’m not interested, Doctor.”
He put the Jammie Dodger in his pocket and continued searching for his weather detector.
River looked at a thermometer near the rink. “It’s 25 degrees below Celsius.”
The Doctor stopped searching for his weather detector and put the things he took out of his pockets back in them. “Twenty-five degrees? That’s colder than the coldest temperature on record in Paris.”
“Which is?”
“Twenty-three point nine degrees Celsius.”
“The temperature’s still dropping.”
“We have to get back in the TARDIS. I need to monitor the Earth’s weather. I really don’t think this is an isolated incident.”
The Doctor and River ran back into the Hôtel de Ville and the TARDIS. The Doctor pulled down his monitor to access weather channels from across the world. Intergalactic satellite television was a feature he installed in his previous incarnation and kept in this incarnation because, in his opinion, satellite television was cool.
“Let’s see—temperatures are hitting record lows in New York, Madrid, St. Petersburg, Tokyo, Cape Town, Sydney and in the Chilean city of Osorno. Everywhere but near the Equator is cooling off.”
“What could be causing this weather, Doctor?”
“Some interplanetary device is causing the Earth to gradually pull itself away from the Sun. This device is somehow not affecting Earth’s orbit as of yet, because the sun is still setting in Paris. And”—The Doctor pressed a few buttons on the TARDIS console. “The Earth is on a collision course with Mars. And the source”—The Doctor pressed more buttons on the console and turned a few knobs. “Is a base in the southernmost ice cap. Ice Warriors.” The Doctor started dematerializing from the Hôtel de Ville.
“Ice Warriors?”
“Ice Warriors. Think of those little green men from Mars, except not really. They’re these tall, green Martian people that like to whisper and hiss a lot. I’m not sure why, and I’ve read every book I can about them. It’s been years since I’ve encountered them. And right now, they’re not in a very peaceful mood. They won’t be until probably the next century.”
The TARDIS was now hurtling towards Mars and the base at the ice cap.
“I’m so sorry, River, but short vacations have become the norm for me.”
“You’re sorry? I’m going to Mars! Why wouldn’t I be excited?”
***
River and the Doctor stepped out of the TARDIS into the Ice Warrior base. The metal walls of the base were shiny.
“I think our friends the Ice Warriors have recently built this base.”
“How did they build this? There isn’t any metal on Mars, other than rovers and landers.”
“I assume some of their people went to Earth to grab Earth tools to make this base. Their land has been slowly dying. Who knows how many humans the Ice Warriors have killed to build this one base? The Ice Warriors literally making the world freeze over to live on Earth makes sense. It’s the killing off of humans I don’t get. I mean, they’ll still have to battle with Silurians and Sea Devils. None of them will win.”
River and the Doctor walked around the makeshift base until the two found a room with a lander in it. It was the only room in the base that had a window in it. Earth could gradually be seen coming closer towards Mars through the window.
River gasped. “It’s the American Mars Polar Lander that crashed in 1998. Somehow the Ice Warriors connected a power source to the lander to take Earth off of its gravitational pull and pull it towards Mars.”
The Doctor crouched under the lander and examined the cords plugged under it.
“River, I need your help. We need to switch around these cords so Earth will go back into its orbit.”
A scaly hand covered River’s mouth and quietly took her out of the room with the lander. The Doctor turned around. “River? River? I’ve just discovered something the two of us can do that’s simple yet brilliant and I want you to shower me with compliments and ‘sweeties’ and ‘I couldn’t tell you because it was a spoilers’!”
A seven foot tall lizard-like humanoid, green in colour, walked into the Mars Polar Lander room. He was carrying a sonic gun. “Doctor, we’ve been expecting you,” the humanoid hissed.
In a room nearby the lander room, River and the Doctor were strapped down on tables. River had a device consisting of metal straps and two cogs on either side of the straps.
“This reminds me of the time you took me to Disneyland.”
“I don’t remember...oh, wait. Spoilers.”
“Spoilers.”
“The War Lord Hasdaal requests your silence. Our people are seeking a new home on Earth.”
“What’s wrong with Mars?” the Doctor asked.
“We are being evacuated. If we reveal who is taking over Mars, they will kill us. We are fleeing to Earth to start a new civilization.”
“You sound like my own people. Thankfully, the majority are dead.”
“What does that mean?”
“If I can stop my own people from attempting to pull Earth to Gallifrey to colonize it, I certainly can stop Ice Warriors from taking Earth out of its orbit to get it to freeze over.”
“That will not happen.”
“You have a mind rack on River’s head, I know. You had brain-racks in 2157. That version of me that liked question mark sweaters and question mark umbrellas and rrrolling his rrrs knows about brain-racks. This is a more primitive version of that rack.”
“That is correct, Doctor. You are powerless to help your human friend out of her brain-rack. We are going to interrogate her and see how useful she is to us.”
“Oh, I’m not worried about River. She can help herself.”
Hasdaal twisted the cogs on the sides of River’s brain-rack. “Who are you?” he asked.
“Doctor River Song.” Her voice sounded robotic-like. Her eyes rolled in the back of her head.
“Occupation?”
“Archaeologist.”
“How do you know the Doctor?”
“I’m his wife.”
“Your brain is telling me you have attempted to kill someone in the past. Is this true?”
“Yes.”
“Good.”
Hasdaal unstrapped River from the table. River stood up.
“You are equipped with your own gun, correct?”
“Yes.”
“Kill the Doctor.”
River walked to the bound Doctor. She had her hand on her gun.
“Kill the Doctor.”
River put her hand on the trigger of her gun.
“What are you waiting for? Kill the Doctor. My rulers will not tolerate your delays.”
River pointed the gun at the Doctor. She slowly moved the gun away from the Doctor and put the barrel of the gun on top of the brain-rack. River pulled the trigger, shattering the brain-rack in several pieces. The pieces grazed the Doctor’s coat and cut Hasdaal.
“What did you do to my brain-rack?”
“I was able to resist it. It wasn’t hard—I thought of the good times I’ve had with my Doctor. And I’m crazy enough to aim a gun near my own head.” River pointed the gun at the War Lord, between his eyes. “You’re lucky I’m feeling merciful right now. If you don’t want to see your head get blown off, I suggest you let me strap you down on that table.”
Hasdaal aimed his gun at River.
“Oh, are you going to threaten my life with a sonic gun? I know about Ice Warrior anatomy. You can’t aim while I’m pointing my gun between your eyes.”
Hasdall dropped his gun and lay on the table. River strapped Hasdall on the table. She used her gun to break the Doctor’s restraints, starting with his legs, then his wrists and finally his neck restraint.
“I quite liked seeing pictures of you with the sweater and umbrella,” River said as she was freeing the Doctor from his bonds. “Why didn’t you keep that hat? It looks better than that blasted fez you tried to wear. Or even that cowboy hat. Please don’t wear that cowboy hat again. “
“It was cool, back in the eighties. And I was not a nice person then, which made that hat cooler. That hat isn’t cool now. Remind me to tell you about my adventures with Ace after we figure out how to push the Earth back in orbit.”
“So, what do we do now, Doctor?”
“I told you, we’re—oh, you were kidnapped when I was being brilliant. O...kay. We’re going to look under the lander and rearrange some cords so we can get the Earth back in orbit. Then, we’re going to look for an air car.”
“An air car?”
“The Ice Warriors use air cars to get around Mars. They should be using them now. I’m amazed Earth scientists haven’t discovered air cars flying around on satellite. Let’s get back to the lander.”
The Doctor and River ran back to the lander room. Once there, they crawled under the lander. The Doctor grabbed two cords in his hands.
“I’m going to move this cord”—the Doctor jiggled the cord in his left hand—“and put it into that socket.” He jiggled the right cord. “I need you to tell me if the Earth is going back to its orbit or not.”
“Right.”
River stood up and looked out the window. The Doctor switched the cords around.
“Is the Earth going back to its orbit?”
“Yes, Doctor.”
The Doctor pulled his sonic screwdriver out of his coat pocket. After the screwdriver was applied to it the lander began to smoke. It sparked a little bit.
“And now the lander cannot pull Earth towards Mars.”
“What now?”
“We run and make sure there aren’t any more Ice Warriors in this building.”
The Doctor and River ran around in the small building. Hasdall, who was still confined in the brain-rack room, appeared to be the only Ice Warrior in the building. Satisfied, they both ran to a garage-type area in the building where two air cars, which resembled Earth hovercrafts, were waiting. The Doctor unlocked the car with his sonic screwdriver. River and the Doctor hopped in the car and drove away from the makeshift base. The Doctor was driving.
“Are you sure you can drive this car? You can barely drive the TARDIS.”
“Of course I can, River. I used to drive Earth cars.”
“‘Used to’ is not a good sign, Doctor.”
“We don’t even know where the rest of the Ice Warriors are on this planet.”
“Correction: We do. There’s a tracker on the car. See?” The Doctor pointed to a green grid in the car’s dashboard. “It’s saying there’s a lot of activity near the middle of the southern ice cap. If we drive there, then maybe we can stop the Ice Warriors from whatever they’re planning to do next.”
The Doctor drove as fast as he could to get from the lander base to the southern ice cap of Mars. The air car top speed was 161 kilometres per hour and the distance from the base to the ice cap was almost 932 kilometres.
By the time the Doctor and River made it to the ice cap, an Ice Warrior had stepped inside a spaceship. The spaceship’s main door had shut. In a matter of moments, the Ice Warrior spaceship launched off of Mars and headed towards Earth, still going back to its regular orbit.
“I don’t care what you say, Doctor, I’m driving the air car back to the base and the TARDIS back to earth. Knowing you, we’d get back to Earth on Christmas Eve 1911.”
The Ice Warriors landed east of Paris, near the commune of Clamart. An army of 50 Ice Warriors emerged from the Martian ship. They marched about 10 kilometres to the 4th arrondissement and the Hôtel de Ville. Along the way the Ice Warriors used their sonic guns to clear the roads of snow, ice and cars (which were pushed off of the roads). Few humans tried to oppose the Ice Warriors as they marched toward the Hôtel de Ville, but the few that did eventually had sonic holes drilled into their brains. By the time the Ice Warriors were at the Hôtel de Ville, the patrons that had been ice skating there had fled.
The Ice Warriors marched into the Hôtel de Ville. The TARDIS dematerialized inside the Hôtel de Ville at the same time, right in front of the Ice Warriors.
“I told you I could fly the TARDIS back,” River said as she shut the TARDIS door closed.
Meanwhile, the Doctor had his arms behind his back. “Hello, Ice Warriors. I’m the Doctor and this is my wife, River. Wife, introduce yourself.”
“Hello.”
“I know why you came to Paris. I mean, other than the fact that I already stopped you from taking over England. You wanted to get rid of me before you attempted to take over the world. I’m disappointed. I thought you would attempt to disperse and go to all the major cities, hold the government offices hostage and then take over Earth. That’s what I would’ve done anyway. Not that I would do that. Anyway, it is almost Christmas Day. You are ruining Christmas for so many people right now, including myself. River and I are giving all 50 of you a chance to go back to your spaceship and go back to Mars.”
“What happens if we do not want to go back to Mars?”
“Oh, you’re a Grand Marshall. I can tell because of your sparkly, jewel-ly hat. Where’s your Supreme Lord?”
“On Mars.”
“You’re all renegades. Like me, except you’re planning to do terrible things to the Earth. Enough chatter. It’s Christmas and every one of us should be home, including you.”
“Doctor, we cannot go home. We cannot fight the intruders of our homelands.”
“Who are these intruders?”
“We cannot tell you. We would rather be here.”
“River, the earplugs.”
River inserted earplugs in her and the Doctor’s ears.
“You should’ve gone home when you had the chance.”
The Doctor had his sonic screwdriver in one hand and a megaphone in the other. He put the screwdriver against the megaphone. The Ice Warriors ran out of the Hôtel de Ville.
“Should we follow them? We need to make sure they get back to their ship.”
“How are we going to follow them?”
“In the TARDIS.” River ran back into the TARDIS.
“In the TARDIS?”
River was on the TARDIS console. She pulled down the monitor. The Doctor stood in the doorway of the TARDIS. “You told me one of your incarnations drove a TARDIS on a highway. If you can do that, then I can follow the Ice Warriors back to their ship.”
“Are you mad?”
“I’m mad about you, sweetie.”
River started the TARDIS up and flew it directly out of a window of the Hôtel de Ville. The Doctor shut the door.
“I’m sure the French government will replace that window. It’s pocket change to them.”
“I’m sure it is.” The Doctor was still bewildered.
She followed the Ice Warriors back to their ship in Clamart. All 50 Ice Warriors boarded their ship and flew back to Mars. River continued to follow them.
The TARDIS landed 50 kilometres away from where the Ice Warriors landed their ship, this time near the Karzok Crater, a crater just outside of Olympus Mons.
“I’m still not letting you drive the TARDIS on a regular basis,” the Doctor said as River adjusted the monitor of the TARDIS towards the Ice Warrior’s ship.
“You’re just jealous I’m a better driver than you are.”
“That’s only because the TARDIS recognizes you as her child. Of...sorts.”
The Ice Warriors stepped out of their ship, onto the planet they previously attempted to get away from permanently. After getting out of their ship the Ice Warriors stood motionless outside their ship. Their sonic weapons were not raised. A Dalek Saucer soon appeared in front of the Ice Warriors and their ship.
“That’s what scared the Ice Warriors off of Mars. Daleks.”
“We’re lucky I didn’t kill Hasdall back at that lander. Maybe we can use him.”
Hundreds of Daleks emerged from the saucer and surrounded the Ice Warriors. A black Dalek, the Supreme Dalek, moved away from the army of Daleks. A Supreme Lord of the Ice Warriors walked towards the Supreme Dalek.
“Why are you here?” the Supreme Dalek asked.
“We were on our way here, Dalek.”
“Lies. You tried to escape. We saw your spaceship land in Earth.”
“We were trying to recruit humans for your cause. We were getting them ready for work on Mars. Mars has a cooler climate than Earth. You of all Daleks should know this.
“More lies. You are all needed in the metal works. March or you will be exterminated.”
The Daleks in front of the Ice Warriors headed towards a passageway in the crater. The Ice Warriors followed them, followed by the Daleks behind them.
“No wonder the Ice Warriors tried to escape,” the Doctor said. “Ice Warriors don’t like heat. They like the cold. The last place the Ice Warriors would be is at Olympus Mons—they wouldn’t be able to handle the heat from the volcano. The Daleks are taking advantage of this, all at the cost of the Ice Warriors providing labour for their...next...destructy-thing. River, back to the lander.”
River started the TARDIS up and in seconds the TARDIS was transported 1500 kilometres to the sight of the Mars Polar Lander. Once the two were inside the lander base, they walked to the brain-rack room, where Hasdall was still tied to his platform. River freed him by shooting her gun at his restraints. Once he was freed, Hasdall stood up.
“My apologies, human female.”
“Well, actually, I’m part Time Lord. I’ll take that as a complement. And please, call me River.”
“We were trying to escape the Daleks. All of them are centred in Olympus Mon, but a small group of them battled the cold and found all the Ice Warrior tribes on the planet. They know about our sonic technology. They invaded Mars to steal our technology to use it against Earth. They want us to make sonic devices on their armour that will paralyze a lot of Earth creatures. Then the Daleks would kill or enslave the survivors of Earth. They are almost done. They wanted to be ready before some important Earth holiday.”
“Would that holiday be Christmas?”
“Yes, Doctor, Christmas.
“I managed to sneak out of the Dalek compound with a few others of my kin in a Dalek spaceship to an Earth device close to one of our ice compounds. There we built a base around the Earth device with the spaceship pieces. Our goal was to relocate to Earth.”
“But did you have to attempt to freeze the people of Earth to death to relocate to Earth? You and your kin couldn’t fly to some remote spot in the North Pole or Alaska?”
“There are no tools we can work with on Earth poles. Where the humans live is where the tools are. We had to freeze Earth so we could inhabit it and start a new society.”
“What about the others? You were going to leave them in Olympus Mons while the rest of you decided to have a snow party for 50 of you on Earth?”
“Once we built a machine on Earth that would make us able to compete with the Daleks, we were going to come back and free our brethren. They were going to pick me up as well after the chilling of Earth was complete.
“Let me get this straight.” The Doctor started pacing around the room. “The Daleks invaded your home planet and forced the majority of you to work on their weaponry on one of the hottest parts of your planet. Because the Daleks are making you work near a volcano, the majority of you are unable to fight or leave. Some of you were able to steal and then convert a Dalek spaceship to bring Earth closer to Mars so it would freeze over to near Mars-like temperatures using a broken lander from Earth. While the Earth was freezing, your kin decided that, out of all the places in the world, you were going to invade Paris and demand that the world do your bidding—most likely something along the lines of ‘do not panic, help us aid our kin in Mars, save us from the Daleks’ and all that. Then you would go back and rescue your kin while the Daleks would also come to Earth to conquer all the earth species.” The Doctor took a deep breath. “I apologise, but that...is the dumbest plan I’ve ever heard.”
“We don’t know what to do, Doctor.”
“You didn’t know that extreme cold kills Daleks?”
Hasdall did not respond.
“And extreme heat kills Daleks as well.”
“Well, I knew that,” River said.
“Oh, that’s right. This was before I killed Daleks with liquid ice.”
“The third incarnation. I knew him well.”
“How did you—spoilers, I know.”
“And this was before your people came up with a virus to kill the Daleks. Well, we don’t have time to create a virus to kill the Daleks, but we can annoy them all into Olympus Mon or down to the polar caps. I’ve got a plan. Trust me.”
Hasdall stood alone at the crater entrance to the Daleks’ Olympus Mon factory. He was greeted by the Supreme Dalek.
“You are late.”
“I know, Dalek.”
“Get to work.”
The Supreme Dalek led Hasdall into the factory. The Doctor and River, wearing protective space suits, followed closely behind the Dalek and Hasdall.
“So your fifth incarnation wore these spacesuits.”
“Yes! Aren’t these spacesuits cool?”
“They’re useful, but they’re not cool. We’re storing these in the very back of the wardrobe when we get back, behind one of those blasted scarves.”
Inside Olympus Mons the Ice Warriors were working on the modified sonic weapons for the Daleks’ armour. The most sluggish of the Ice Warriors were forced to pour lava into the weapon moulds. Luckier Ice Warriors were putting pieces of the weaponry together, making sure it worked. The luckiest Ice Warriors were further away from the volcano, fitting sonic weaponry over the Daleks’ weapon arms, replacing their plungers. The Supreme Dalek led Hasdall to the weaponry fitting room.
“This is where you will be working. Get to work.”
Hasdall sat on a stool. Beside him were a pile of Dalek sonic guns. In front of him was a Dalek. Hasdall took his time taking off the Dalek’s plunger. By the time the Dalek’s plunger was off the same Dalek was knocked to the ground. Within minutes his armour exploded.
The Supreme Dalek moved his armour around wildly. “We have an intruder. All Daleks find the intruder.”
“But not all of us have our sonic guns on our armour,” said a lower-ranking Dalek.
“The intruder comes first. The intruder must be exterminated.”
“Were you looking for me?” River waved her gun. She was at the entrance of the section of the volcano where the Dalek weaponry fittings were at. “Come and find me, master race.”
River ran out of the fitting room. The Daleks followed her.
“My brothers and sisters, find every member of our kin in this volcano and lead them out of here,” Hasdall said after the last Dalek flew out to attempt to kill River. The Ice Warriors in the fitting room ran to the other rooms of the volcano to find the rest of their kin.
River ran towards the air car the Doctor and she used to get to the polar cap earlier. It was now parked outside an entrance on the north side of Olympus Mons. River hopped in the air car and sped off towards the southernmost polar cap of Mars. The Daleks followed River’s air car, flying as fast as they could behind her. By the time they realized they were being led to the polar cap, it was too late for them. River landed the air car in the middle of the ice cap. The Daleks slowed down as soon as they reached the ice caps, and by the time they reached River, they had fallen into the ice cap. They shortly exploded in the ice.
River looked at the exploding Daleks through her air car. “What a pleasant surprise. I wasn’t expecting to see fireworks on Christmas Eve.”
In the weaponry production room of Olympus Mons, a voice boomed out over the room: “Merry Christmas, Daleks!” It was the Doctor. He was standing in the doorway with the TARDIS, still wearing his spacesuit. “Guess what? For the first time in the history of the universe, the Daleks have been removed from Santa’s naughty list. And he’s here. He’s actually here, on Mars. You have to follow me to see him.”
“Exterminate the Doctor,” a Dalek roared from the back of the room.
The Doctor drove the TARDIS towards the centre of the volcano, seeking old lava flow trails he believed the Daleks had not found inside the volcano. The Daleks followed him. The closer he drove towards the centre of the volcano, the hotter the passageways were. Finally the Doctor reached a pool of lava, the same pool the Daleks forced the Ice Warriors to make their weapons from. As the Daleks flew towards the pool of lava, they began to slow down. Some Daleks crashed and exploded shortly before they reached the pool of lava, but most fell into the pool of lava and died, melted and exploded into the lava, screaming in agony as they died.
“I lied,” the Doctor yelled from inside the TARDIS. “Santa hasn’t mastered the art of intergalactic travel yet.”
The Doctor was hanging outside the TARDIS door. “War Lord Hasdall, Grand Marshall...Ice Warrior, Supreme Lord Ice Warrior, I know the planet of Mars is dying, but can you please try to stay on your own planet? I can’t promise you that the humans aren’t going to fight back if you try to invade Earth, but there might be a day they might fight back. And they might win over you. You’d be safer if you’d actually stay on your own planet.”
“Yes, Doctor,” Hasdall said.
“I’ll be checking on you in the future. I probably won’t look like this—maybe I’ll have gray hair, a big nose and an Inverness coat, maybe I’ll have curly hair and a really long scarf that, for some reason, my wife hates—I could look like anyone, really—but I’ll be checking on you. And if you get out of line, I will put you back in line. But hopefully you lot will be line.”
“Yes, Doctor.”
“I’m going back home to spend Christmas with my wife in Paris before you interrupted it. Merry Christmas...although you don’t celebrate Christmas.”
The TARDIS dematerialized from Mars.
“This is beautiful, Doctor,” River said as she and the Doctor were finally skating in front of the Hôtel de Ville. “It’s even snowing. Even if it is a light snow. It may not be as exhilarating as rounding up Ice Warriors and fooling Daleks, but this is still beautiful.”
The Doctor wrapped his scarf from his fourth incarnation tighter around River’s neck. The two were skating hand in hand, sharing the same scarf as they skated around the skating rink.
“River?”
“Yes, Doctor?” The two had walked back into the TARDIS.
“I was just wondering, why did it take you so long to warm up to the 18 foot scarf?”
“It’s an eyesore. I only agreed to wear it because it was cold outside.”
“That doesn’t sound like you. You’d want to figure out a way to tie me up with the scarf and then have your way with me. And, since the Hôtel de Ville is closed because of Christmas Day, we could afford to spend a little bit more time with each other before I have to take you back to Stormcage.”
River had a piece of mistletoe in her right hand.
“Where’d you get that?”
“From another trip to England. Without you, I’m sad to report. But you know what to do when I raise this above your head.” River raised the mistletoe above the Doctor’s head. “Right?”
River and the Doctor kissed. She dropped the mistletoe and slowly wrapped the Doctor’s scarf around his body.
“What are you doing?”
River dragged the Doctor to one of the TARDIS’ sleep quarters. “Spoilers.”