Burn Notice fic: Gelato in the Grove
Feb. 11th, 2014 09:40 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
merryghoulTitle: Gelato in the Grove
Author:merryghoul
Artist:hollymarchosias
Fandom: Burn Notice
Type: Gen
Rating: Teen
Word Count: 7208
Characters/Pairings: Fiona Glenanne, Charlie Westen, Madeline Westen, Carlos Cruz, OCs (background Fi/Carlos)
Warnings/Spoilers: No warnings apply. Story is set between the sixth and seventh seasons of Burn Notice.
Summary: A trip to a gelato shop isn't any ordinary trip with Fiona, and Charlie's come along for the ride.
Author's Notes:
This is also for![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
trope_bingo for the square "unexpected friendship."
And, as always, ♥![[archiveofourown.org profile]](https://p.dreamwidth.org/b164c54b26e4/-/archiveofourown.org/favicon.ico)
hollymarchosias, as usual.
Link(s) to Story Master Post/Chapters: Dreamwidth or my AO3
Link(s) to Art Master Post(s): marchosias_inc on LJ or hollymarchosias' AO3
A job with Carlos in Doral wasn't the most romantic of dates, but Fiona was determined to make it work. Along with the arsenal of weapons and zip ties she was packing in her duffel bag, she had also put plastic wine glasses and a bottle of red wine wrapped in newspaper in it. The bottle came from Publix; it was nothing expensive or special. But she liked the taste, and she hoped Carlos would like it as well.
Then Fiona's cell phone rang. She picked it up.
"Carlos?"
"I didn't know that was my new name."
"Oh, I'm sorry, Madeline, I thought you were Carlos."
"I know you were playing a stakeout in Doral this afternoon. But something's come up and I need your help."
"Sure. What do you need?"
"Can you pick up Charlie from daycare? I have to talk to someone from the Florida Department of Children and Families this evening and I can't find anyone to look after him. I called everybody I know. My friends, some of my neighbors, Sam, Jesse. Have you gotten in contact with Sam or Jesse today?"
"I tried to, but Sam told me he was doing a job somewhere in Central Florida with Jesse all day. The cell phone reception's bad out there. But what about my stakeout?"
"I'm sorry, honey, but if Carlos can't call off the stakeout, he'll have to go alone. I'm sure he'll understand."
"I'm not good around children, Madeline. I prefer playing with people that are at least over eighteen."
"I don't know how long the preschool can hold him without me being there. And I'm afraid if no one picks him up, he'll get lost in Coconut Grove."
Fiona sighed. "Oh, all right. I'll pick Charlie up."
"Thank you, Fiona. Do you know where Coconut Grove Preschool is?"
Fiona blew a raspberry. "Ask me about a place that's not in Miami and then I'll be stumped."
"I'll be home by six, I think. You try to get Charlie ready for bed and watch him until I'm there."
"Okay. Bye, Madeline."
"Bye, Fiona."
Fiona scowled. "I already put on my ass-kicking Jimmy Choos."
Fiona called Carlos to tell him he'd be going on the stakeout alone. Then she unpacked her duffel bag, leaving the wine and the cups on her kitchen counter. Maybe we can have an impromptu dinner date later, Fiona thought.
Fiona waited outside the gates of Coconut Grove Preschool for Charlie. When Charlie got out of the daycare up he walked towards Fiona.
"You're Fi," he said.
"Yeah, I'm Fi."
"Grandma's friend."
"Yeah, I'm your grandma's friend. I come over sometimes to see her."
"Why are you here?"
"Well, your grandma has to take care of business this afternoon. She told me to pick you up from preschool."
"Are you mean?"
"No, I'm not mean. Not to my friends. And I'm your friend."
"No you're not."
"We could learn to be friends."
"I don't know."
"Your grandma says you like ice cream."
"Strawberry."
"I can take you to this local gelato parlor near here and get you a small bowl of gelato. And we can get to know each other there. How about that?"
"Okay."
"I picked up your car seat from your grandma's. I'll put you in it and we'll head to the gelato parlor."
Gelato in the Grove served gelato, ice cream made with small amounts of air and a certain amount of butterfat. Like most gelato parlors, the gelato, placed in one-ninth steam pans, had toppings and fudge already in the gelato before it was served. The toppings were standard: sprinkles, fruit, nuts, cookie and candy bits and fudge. It wasn't the most spectacular eatery in Miami, but Gelato in the Grove worked well with Fiona's six PM deadline.
When Fiona and Charlie went into the parlor, Charlie saw a steam pan with the strawberry gelato in it.
"Strawberry. Want a strawberry bowl."
"You don't have to tell me that again."
Fiona went up to the cashier in the shop. She wore a name badge that read TAYLOR.
"I'd like to get two small bowls of gelato. A strawberry bowl for my little friend here—"
"I'm not your friend."
"And because I have to drive the little tyke to his guardian's, although your zabaglione gelato sounds tempting, I'll have a bowl of chocolate gelato."
Fiona picked up their gelato bowls from the scooper on duty, Zach. The two of them sat at a two-person table on the other side of the serving area and the kitchen. On the wall of Gelato in the Grove was a large snowman, drawn similar to the one from the Frosty the Snowman cartoon short from 1969, skating down a street in Coconut Grove on a skateboard. People, drawn in a cartoon style, young and old, were following the snowman with various gelato cones and cups in their hands. In the distance was a hammock—in this case, a strand of hardwood trees that interlinked with each other.
Other than Fiona, Charlie, Taylor and Zach, there was no one else in the parlor.
"So how was your day at preschool?"
Charlie ate his gelato. He didn't say anything to Fiona.
"Did you learn anything? Go outside? Get a scrape?"
No response.
Fiona joined Charlie in silence in eating their gelato.
When Fiona and Charlie were finished, Taylor walked to their table.
"I'm sorry, but you have to leave now."
Fiona blinked. "Why? The sign on your door says you're going to be open until eight today."
Taylor shrugged. "I'm sorry, miss, but you still have to go."
"Can't we stay here for a little bit longer? I'd love to talk to my friend."
"She's not my friend."
Fiona shushed Charlie. She laughed. "I haven't seen the kid in weeks. I'm a flight attendant. This is my last day with him before I fly to Montevideo."
"She's a bounty hunter."
Fiona laughed again.
Zach walked over to the table. He picked up Fiona by her shirt. Taylor took Charlie's hand.
"Yeah, miss," Zach said, "you gotta go."
The two pushed Fiona and Charlie out of Gelato in the Grove.
"Rude."
"I know."
"Let's go home."
"No, let's not go home. We didn't do anything to deserve being kicked out of the parlor. Something's up. See, Charlie? They're closing their blinds. We've got to get back in there."
"No."
"Yes."
"Let's go home. See Grandma."
"It's only four o' clockish. We've got time before your grandma comes home. Don't you want to see what's going on?"
"No."
"You're coming along anyway."
Fiona picked up Charlie. Charlie didn't protest. The two went to the back of Gelato in the Grove.
"You have long hair." He started putting his fingers in Fiona's hair.
"Yes, I know my hair is long."
"Why?"
"I like it. I cut it short to about my shoulder blades a few years back. I tried bleaching it lighter for a while, but I realized I missed my hair being this color and length. So I let the bleach fade and I grew my hair out."
"It's very long."
"I love it."
Fiona put Charlie down. "We're here."
"We get in?"
Fiona nodded. She showed Charlie her wrists.
"You have bracelets."
Fiona pulled a hairpin off of on one of her bracelets. "Sometimes you need to pick a lock with a hairpin. This is one of those times. I wouldn't suggest you do this unless you need to."
"Why not?"
"Unless it's a place you own, it's illegal. I'd explain more, but we're in a hurry. You stay there, okay?"
"Okay."
Fiona picked the lock with her hairpin. Once she got the door unlocked, she opened it.
She looked behind her shoulder. Charlie wasn't behind her. He was walking towards a dumpster.
Fiona sighed. She took off her wedges. One of them kept the back door open after she cracked it. The other was in her hand when she walked barefoot to pick up Charlie. The hot pavement scalded her feet but she didn't think about the discomfort she was in.
"I've got the door unlocked. We're going back in."
Fiona put Charlie back on the ground. She took his hand. She opened the door with her free hand and lead Charlie aside.
As soon as she was back inside Gelato in the Grove, Fiona let go of Charlie and put her wedges back on.
Charlie wandered to Gelato in the Grove's kitchen. There, he saw Taylor and Zach with two aluminum baseball bats near a gelato machine. Beside the machine was a steam pan with strawberry gelato in it.
Charlie started running towards the steam pan with the melting strawberry gelato. Fiona was able to grab him, but not before her wedges could be heard clicking on the kitchen's floor. She mouthed "shit" as soon as she grabbed Charlie. Charlie didn't see her mouthing "shit." Thank God, she thought.
Fiona ran with Charlie into the men's restroom. She twisted the lock to the door and put her back against it. Then she slid down to the floor.
Charlie laughed.
"Shh. We don't want Taylor and Zach to know we're here. "
"Why not?"
"I want to know why there are aluminum bats beside a working gelato machine. But we need to hide before we can find out."
"Where?"
Fiona pointed to the toilets.
"You're going to sit in my lap, and you're going to have to be quiet and not move."
"No lap."
"You don't have a choice."
Fiona took off her wedges again. On her toes, she ran to the handicapped stall furthest from the bathroom's door. She put the wedges in the handicapped stall's sink. Then she grabbed Charlie's hand. Fiona closed the lock to the stall. She sat on the toilet with her feet against the bathroom's wall, out of sight from the stall dividers.
Charlie did as he was told for once and sat in whatever Fiona's lap resembled at that moment. Fiona held on to him.
The two of them sat on the toilet for a while, not moving, not making a sound. Then the bathroom door was unlocked and swung open.
The employee kept the door open for a while.
"Huh. Don't remember locking this." It was Zach.
Zach locked the door back. He closed the door.
"Get up now?"
"Are you going to be as quiet as you can while I check the door?"
"Maybe."
"Maybe?"
"Bathrooms are boring."
"I'm going to take that as a yes."
"Yes."
Fiona shook her head.
"Get down?"
"Yes, you can get down from the toilet seat. I have to check the door."
"Okay."
Charlie hopped off of Fiona's lap. Fiona followed him.
Fiona walked on her toes and unlocked the men's bathroom. Then she tried to pull the door's handle. The handle wasn't moving.
She lied on the floor, peering through the crack at the bottom. She saw chair legs.
"Door isn't locked."
Fiona tried opening the door again. "Charlie, I'm afraid it is locked. Our friend Zach the scooper must've locked us in."
"I want out."
"I'm going to get us out."
"How?"
"I'll need to knock the chair down and blow our cover. It's the only thing we can do."
Charlie pointed towards the overhead vent in the bathroom.
"You want me to crawl through the vent."
"Yeah."
"I'm guessing you like Toy Story."
"I like Toy Story."
"I'm not an animated toy, Charlie. Crawling through vents isn't clean. Or safe. Your grandma doesn't want me cut up into dirty stew meat if I run into a fan."
"Stew meat?"
"Chunks of meat. You put them in a stew. It's like a soup with meat and vegetables, but you don't cook it like soup. And I don't think I'm meant for human consumption."
Charlie laughed.
"I'm sticking with knocking the chair down before we get out. Let me get my shoes before they become waterlogged."
Fiona shook her head and went back to the handicapped stall.
"The day I wear my as…butt-kicking Jimmy Choos and they end up in a bathroom sink. At least they didn't end up in the urinal."
Fiona grabbed her wedges and put them by the bathroom door.
"Now to knock down this chair."
Fiona looked around the bathroom. There wasn't anything not attached to the wall or the floor of the bathroom she could use, like a broom, a toilet cleaner or a plunger. She shrugged, stood up and put her left shoulder against the part of the wall near the bathroom door. She jiggled the handle up and down until the chair fell off the handle.
After the chair thudded to the ground, Fiona put back on her wedges.
"Open the door?"
"I'm expecting someone to come."
And sure enough, someone did come. This time, it was Taylor.
"I told you the chair wouldn't stay on, Zach. Didn't I tell you to get pennies from the drawer and stick them in the door?" She sighed. "Let me see if there's someone inside the bathroom."
Taylor opened up the bathroom. She was dragged into it by Fiona. Fiona gagged her mouth. Taylor tried to bite her hand. Fiona shook her head and pointed to Charlie, who was standing by the closest urinal.
"Not in front of the kid. And I'm used to the occasional bite in the palm by now. Next time, go for the wrists. It's creepier. And maybe you'll sever a vein or two."
Taylor stopped biting Fiona. "What?"
Fiona removed her hand from Taylor's mouth. "I've seen it happen before. What?"
Taylor looked at Fiona. "You're the lady that said you were a flight attendant. And then the kid over here said you weren't."
"He's right and you're right. I'm not a flight attendant. I'm a bounty hunter. But you may have heard of me before. Sometimes I help people in need. Sometimes I have a few sidekicks."
Fiona looked at Charlie. Charlie was looking in the urinals. She inhaled and continued. "One of them is MIA, but the other two are on a sidekick-only business trip. But usually they're somewhere in MIA. They're not as good as I am, but they try."
Taylor shook her head. "No, I don't know you."
"Okay. You remember the woman accused of blowing up the British Embassy here?"
Taylor nodded.
"That was me. I was on the local papers. One of my sidekicks said I even made the local newscasts. I'm lucky this city forgets faces. "
"Fiona Glenanne." Taylor gasped. "You're a terrorist?"
"Former terrorist. It's a long story. And I didn't blow up the British Embassy. I was framed, if you're wondering. But like I said, I can solve problems. And I'm guessing you have a problem."
"I do. It's our boss."
"Your boss?"
"He makes the place seem like it's successful. It's not."
"Well then, I can solve your problem."
"Without your sidekicks? I mean, except for that one guy."
"And a few other things I know how to use, but yes."
"Okay. I know this place doesn't look like it, but this place is owned by a money launderer."
Fiona sighed and shook her head. "There's never a month where I don't deal with money launderers."
"Really?"
"I'm from Ireland."
"You don't sound like you're from Ireland."
"That's also a long story, but when I was growing up there, Ireland was swimming in money launderers. A money launderer ripped off some of my brothers when I was a little girl. Whenever I hear about money launderers, I almost always try to get the money back."
"Another long story, right?"
"Yep. But something tells me this isn't the type of money launderer I want to take money from."
"Yeah, our boss is part of the Lippi clan."
"The Lippi clan?"
"They're Camorra. The family felt like they were losing their foothold in Naples against the other Camorra clans, so they immigrated here. It's easy for them to hide out and do criminal shit here—"
"Shh, not in front of the kid."
"Bad word."
Fiona nodded. "Well, at least he knows some of them already."
"Anyway, it's easy for them to do criminal things because the police are so focused on La Costa Nostra and the Russian Mafia here."
Charlie started crawling in and out of the stalls in the bathroom.
"Let me guess. The Lippis sell drugs and use this gelato parlor to launder the money with."
"How did you know?"
Fiona raised her eyebrows.
"Oh, right. Raised around money launderers."
"Pretty much. So why are you about to smash up a gelato machine? Nice choice of bat, by the way. You didn't let those mafia movies fool you. Aluminum bats are much more effective than wooden bats in smashing up things. They keep more energy so you can hit faster and harder."
"Um, thanks for the advice. Anyway, the Lippi brothers are fighting. Franco and Domenico, but they're known as Frankie and Dom. They lead the clan. Dom controls most of the drug trade. It's club drugs—you know, cocaine, ecstasy, K, and all that. Frankie came up with the Gelato in the Grove to launder money and to come in for the occasional stracciatella scoop. Dom would rather have a club. Dom thinks laundering money in a gelato place is stupid because who wants to buy drugs from someone that has a gelato place? Frankie thinks owning a club is stupider because the police will raid the club if there are drugs in it and their ties are severed from La Cosa Nostra and the Russian Mafia if the club gets raided. "
"And now we're at the part where—"
Charlie ran into Fiona.
"Sorry, Fi."
"It's okay." Fiona grabbed his hand, but Charlie broke it and ran around the bathroom again.
"We're at the part where you're about to hit your gelato maker with baseball bats."
"It's Dom's orders. He wants us to wreck the gelato parlor so Frankie will move on to some property for his club he's found on South Beach. He won't shut up about it. The place is south of Fifth Street, within walking distance of some condos, Nikki Beach, and Joe's Stone Crab."
"And what happens if you don't wreck the parlor?"
"Dom kills us at eight. He told us he'll pay his officers at the police station to call it a murder-suicide."
"And I'd have my Walther, too, if I didn't have to pick up Charlie. But it's for the best. I want Charlie to have some innocence before he becomes a man." Fiona took a deep breath. "I also don't want Dom murdering you at eight. It's inconvenient for all of us. I can come up with a plan where no one gets shot and Frankie and Dom go to jail thanks to honest officers of the law."
"How are you going to corner Frankie and Dom without a gun?"
"Charlie?"
Charlie was running around the bathroom. Fiona walked over and cornered him in the stall.
"Charlie?"
"You're no fun."
"I need your help, Charlie."
"For the job."
"Yes. How'd you know I take jobs?"
"You and Grandma talk."
Fiona nodded. "Oh."
"I understand."
"I can see that."
"Will I be safe?"
"I promise you'll be safe. I can lure in those two idiots without any weapons or explosive."
Charlie laughed. "Idiots."
Fiona nodded and smiled. "Yeah, idiots."
"Okay."
Fiona took Charlie's hand.
"Now, let's see if we can stop Zach from beating the gelato machine."
"We can't keep it? Save it for us?"
"I wish we could, Charlie, but I don't know where it'll end up when the police close this place down for good. And I wouldn't trust Jesse to keep it. He might eat the machine whole."
Before Fiona set her plan in motion, she called Madeline.
"Fiona? Are you at the house?"
"I'm sorry, Madeline, but no. I got roped into a job."
"You got roped into a job with Charlie?"
"I know it sounds bad, but hear me out."
"This better be good. If anything happens to him..."
"I picked Charlie up from school and took him to the local gelato parlor. The employees kicked Charlie and me out after we finished our gelato. Turns out the gelato parlor launders money for drugs. They're also part of an Italian criminal ganged. The employees will get killed if they don't listen to one of the heads of the clan."
"And you're going to save the employees."
"They're innocent, Madeline. They don't deserve to be pawns between two feuding brothers that don't know how to launder money."
"Oh my God. I didn't know."
"Trust me, Maddie, if I knew what was going on, I would've taken Charlie to Cold Stone instead."
"Do you need me to swing by the place and pick up Charlie?"
"No. It'd be safer if you went home. I promise you Charlie's not going to be harmed by those men."
"You be careful, honey, and you keep Charlie safe, okay?"
"I will. Bye, Madeline."
Fiona, Charlie, Taylor and Zach were at a table in the dining room of Gelato in the Grove. There were two phones in the middle of the table, and they were pointed at Zach and Taylor.
Zach called Dom.
"Yeah, hello?"
"Dom?" Zach said.
"Zach. Is it done?"
"Yeah."
"You smashed the machine and the pans and the glass and things?"
"We're trying, but we're being interrupted by this woman and her kid. She's nuts. Maybe we need your help."
"A woman and her kid and the woman's nuts. I gotta see this. I'm comin' over with reinforcements."
Dom hung up.
Taylor called Frankie.
"Taylor, babe, how's it going?"
"Everything's fine. Listen, there's someone suspicious stalking us at the restaurant. Some crazy lady. Long hair, looks like a witch or some eccentric homeless woman or something. She's got a kid. She's trying to run out of the restaurant with our gelato, saying the kid'll die if she doesn't stuff him with it. We had to close early because of this nut."
"Can you handle it or do you need me?"
"Yeah, we need you. We're very close to the woman breaking some glass and threatening to cut us."
"Hold on, babe. I'll be right over."
Frankie hung up.
"You don't break glass," Charlie said.
"If someone I loved were trapped in a building, then I'd break glass. Or if someone was threatening someone I loved. But not for gelato."
"You sound scary."
"I promise I won't scare you, Charlie. Not enough to make you hate me."
"Okay."
Fiona turned to Taylor and Zach. "You sure those idiots park far away from each other?"
"Yeah, we're sure," Taylor said. "They park at other buildings and walk here. They say it's to avoid the police, but that's bull."
"That's great. Strange, but great. Now, can you two whip out some strawberry gelato? You don't have to put any toppings in it. It's more convincing if you make it strawberry gelato."
"Strawberry!"
"See? We'll have to knock over a few things. And to make it look like people did get hurt while not wrecking this shop, I'm going to need corn syrup, food coloring, chocolate syrup, a mixing bowl, and a cloth bandage. Oh, and I also need a soda can and some scissors. I'd prefer an empty soda can, but I'm fond of anything that kinda tastes like Coke."
"Fiona," Taylor said, "we've got no time for a food break."
"Oh, no, we're not eating this. We're making fake blood, and since you mentioned corrupt police officers, I'm making something very special for myself in case I need it. But back to the fake blood. Who wants to get a nasty fake injury today?" Fiona grinned.
"Me!"
"Oh, I'm sorry, Charlie. It's not going to work if I get fake blood on you. But we can make fake blood the next time I come over to your grandma's. And we can coat Carlos in it!"
Fiona created the fake blood by mixing together the corn syrup and some tap water together in a bowl with a spatula. She did this in front of Charlie at one of Gelato in the Grove's tables.
"Add food dye?"
"Soon. But you'd better let me add it or it might look too dark. This has to look like blood or I can't fool anyone with it."
Next, Fiona added red, blue, and green food coloring until the fake blood looked like the blood that would come out of a vein. The final touch was to add the chocolate syrup until the fake blood was darker and stickier.
Zach came to Fiona's table with the cloth gauze. "I'm going to be the one who's fake hurt," he said to Fiona.
"Give me your right hand."
Zach did what was asked of him.
"We're not going to use all of it. We're going to use enough so that some of the blood seeps through the bandage when I wrap it."
"Okay."
Fiona traced straight lines of fake blood near the base of Zach's thumb until she had made a small pool with it. She then wrapped his hand and made sure the fake blood seeped out of some of the bandages.
"I wouldn't try to act like you're in pain. I'll do the acting. You be the straight man."
Zach nodded.
"Now to the can."
Fiona poked a hole in the empty soda can. She cut a small rectangle out of the can metal.
"What's that?"
"A shim."
"Shim?"
"It's like when Wile E. Coyote tries to drop a boulder on the Road Runner using a piece of wood. Except my shim is a smaller metal one. And I'm not going to be crushed by a boulder when I use my shim."
"What's it for?"
"It's for another purpose. I hope I won't need to use it, but I have a feeling I might have to. Do you promise not to tell anyone about the shim?"
"Yes."
Fiona looked at Charlie. "I see that if I showed you how to make fake blood earlier, we would've gotten on a bit easier."
"Gooey! Sticky!"
"Oh, you like messy things."
"Yes."
"No wonder why we're here."
Fiona stood up and hid the shim in her left back jean pocket.
"Okay, let's get ready for these bad men about to come in here."
Fiona looked out one of Gelato in the Grove's windows until she saw a guy in a grey suit walk up to the storefront. She described the guy to Taylor and Zach, who were at the gelato counter. Charlie was in front of it.
"Yeah, that's Dom," Zach said. "He always wears a Bottega Veneta suit. He thinks he looks younger in it. He doesn't."
Fiona ran up to the counter. She missed the two police officers behind Dom.
"Showtime."
Taylor gave Fiona the end of the steam pan with the strawberry gelato in it.
"Can I have some?"
"A little bit. But after we're done with the Lippis."
Dom unlocked the door. Two police officers followed him.
Fiona pulled the steam pan away from Taylor. Taylor pulled the pan back. Fiona gave Taylor a wild-eyed look. Meanwhile, Charlie was jumping up and down, cheering Fiona's guise on.
"It's mine!" Fiona hissed. "The pan is mine. My child will die if you don't hand it over."
"Lady, we don't give gelato out for free."
"I saw you give out samples at Dolphin Mall! You give your gelato out for free. Lies!"
"Hey, kids." He waved his hands in the air. "I'm a bit disappointed in you. A few tables and chairs knocked over. I wanted to see more destruction."
"We were trying to destroy the restaurant," Zach said. His hand was the one Fiona coated with fake blood and covered with a cloth bandage. "All of a sudden this crazy woman barged in with her kid and was like, 'give me gelato for my kid or he'll die.'"
"I'm not crazy!"
"She made me slash my hand on one of the steam pans. I had to stop to take care of myself. Unless you wanted me to get some sort of infection."
Dom stomped the floor. "None of this is gonna work now."
"Dom, why are the police here?" Zach asked.
Dom growled. "They're my men, the men I was going to declare you dead if I made you dead. They're also my reinforcements. They was going to arrest you after you wrecked the place."
"What?" Zach said.
"I have to make this look clean, you know? You two wreck the place and spend a night in jail. You'll get the best beds, I promise. I pay my men behind me for the job. You two go to the judge. He gets you two a minor charge that gives you a few hours of community service. Bam, you two are off the hook."
Zach shook his head. "I didn't ask for a criminal record, Dom."
Dom shrugged. "Hey, them's the rules."
"Dom, what did you just say?"
A guy in a white Miami Heat shirt and jeans walked up to the police officers and Dom.
"I thought you cared about the business, Dom."
"You know I didn't care about the business, Frankie." Dom sighed. "What do I do? What do I do?" He threw his hands down. "Just…arrest the crazy long-haired woman. Book her first. Grab her kid and we can keep him in the station or something. Probably have to go to social services. That's a bit stickier than the fake charges. Then we'll come back and get the others."
"What's the long haired woman doing, Dom?"
"Look at her. She's playing tug of war with a tray of gelato. And who grows their hair out like that anyway except hippies? The hippie thing died in 1969 with that concert thing, whatever that thing is."
"You didn't tell her to do that?"
"No, I don't even know that woman."
Dom's policemen went up to Fiona and Taylor.
"Miss," one of the policemen said to Fiona, "you're under arrest for disturbing the peace on private property."
Fiona gave a wide-eyed look to the policeman. "Private property? No one owns anything on this planet."
The police officer that spoke to Fiona went behind her and put her hands behind her back. Taylor grabbed the tray with the gelato in it.
"We're going to book you. Then maybe we'll take you to South Florida State Hospital. Don't worry. You'll be all better some day. Maybe. Probably not."
The police officer handcuffed Fiona and led her out the gelato parlor.
The other officer grabbed Charlie's hand.
"No go."
"If that woman's lookin' after you, you gotta go. Trespassing by association." The cop picked Charlie up. "Let's go."
Fiona pulled the shim out of her pants with the fingers of her left hand. She gripped the pocket so she wouldn't drop the shim on the floor. When she was able to palm the shim, she grabbed it with her right hand. The shim was placed between the lock and the teeth of the left handcuff. Fiona was able to fold the shim so the shim could cover the teeth. Keeping her palm on the shim, she pushed down on the cuff.
Charlie saw when Fiona freed herself from the left handcuff. He broke the second police officer's grasp and ran towards the bathroom. The second police officer stopped and ran after Charlie.
Dom laughed. "We'll have to give that brat some Adderall when we get to the station. Calm him down. And after the wild woman and her kid are gone, we'll get back to you, Frankie."
Fiona freed herself from the other handcuff. She let the shim and the handcuffs fall to the ground.
The first police officer heard the cuffs hit the floor. He blinked.
"What the hell? I just cuffed you."
The officer leaned down to pick up the handcuffs. Fiona gave him an elbow to the face. The officer groaned.
"You—"
Fiona kicked the officer in his scrotum with the heel of her wedges. She grabbed the handcuffs, handcuffed the officer, placing his wrists behind his back, and slammed him against one of the walls. She gave out a dramatic sigh. "I hope that was enough to prove my mental competence."
The Lippi brothers looked at Fiona and the first policeman in horror as said policeman slumped against the wall, still reeling from the scrotum kick.
"Are you police? Dear God, I hope you're not police," Frankie said. "Mio dio."
"Oh, I'm not police. But I'm a bounty hunter."
"Mio dio," Dom added.
"I'm going to kick your butt. I'd say something else, but we have a minor in the building. Gotta keep it somewhat PG."
Dom laughed. "You? This little old woman with the scars and the hair? You got lucky with that moron over there."
Fiona tilted her head to the side. "Maybe I should've said I was police. Then you'd take me seriously."
Fiona lunged for Dom, but Frankie tripped her. She recovered and stood on her feet.
"Little woman, you can't take us both on at the same time."
Charlie ran out of the bathroom. The second police officer was following him. Zach ran from behind the gelato counter and followed the second police officer. He grabbed him and slammed him against the wall.
Charlie hid in a corner, away from the Lippi brothers and Fiona.
The Lippi brothers cornered Fiona.
Dom laughed. "I think I'll start by ripping off your—"
Taylor hit Dom in the head with an empty steam pan. He fell to his knees. His face landed on the floor, as if he was in a cartoon.
Frankie froze before running to the front door. Before Fiona could catch him, Frankie ran into the door.
Fiona nodded and hummed. "That ended better than I thought it would end."
She saw Charlie in the corner and picked him up.
"I'm so sorry you had to see that," she whispered.
"I'm okay, Fi." He put his head on her shoulder.
"What are we going to do about the Lippis and Dom's policemen, Fiona?" Taylor asked.
"I've got an idea."
Zach called the police.
"Hello? I work at Gelato in the Grove. My boss and his brother got here and got into a fight in here. My boss' brother was going to set up my boss with these two officers he paid off and have him arrested for fake charges. My co-worker and I had to hide while the four of them were fighting. And it seemed like my boss' brother was on something. I'm not sure, but I heard he has drugs in his car. It's a Porche Spider, by the way."
Meanwhile, Fiona and Charlie hid out in Fiona's car, across the street from Gelato in the Grove. Charlie was eating out of a small cup of strawberry gelato.
"Go home soon?"
Fiona nodded. "We're going home soon so I can tuck you into bed. We're going to wait until the police come."
"Why?"
"We've got to make sure those men in the restaurant get arrested. Otherwise they're going to fight and make the lives of the servers bad. If you want to go to sleep, I can lay you down in the back seat until we get ready to leave."
"It's okay."
The police, along with a drug-sniffing dog, came to Gelato in the Grove. After a few moments, the honest policemen arrested Dom, Frankie and Dom's policemen. Dom's Ferrari Spider was also opened up. Indeed, some of the drugs the Lippis laundered were in Dom's car.
Fiona, satisfied that the impromptu job was done, drove away from Gelato in the Grove and went to Madeline's house.
After he was wearing his pajamas, Fiona and Madeline tucked Charlie into bed.
"I'm so sorry about this afternoon," Fiona said to Charlie and Madeline.
"It was fun! Thank you, Fi."
"I'm glad you enjoyed your little evening out with Fi. Now it's time for you to go to sleep. It's well past your bedtime."
Madeline kissed Charlie on his forehead. He went to sleep. She let Fiona leave Charlie's room first before shutting the door.
"I don't know how many times I have to apologize on how this evening went, Madeline."
"Oh, honey, you don't have to apologize. If there's anyone I'd want around my grandson, it's any of Michael's friends. But I wish Michael was here. He shouldn't be…wherever he is now that Charlie's staying with me. We'll have to hold out hope that we'll see him again someday."
"Yeah, me too. Charlie needs his uncle. But I can convince Carlos to come over more, if that helps."
"Carlos is always welcome to come over. But I can't see him replacing Charlie's uncle."
A couple of weekends later, Fiona invited Carlos to come over to Madeline's. It wasn't what Carlos was expecting.
"I need you to wear some clothes you don't care about," Fiona said before the two of them left their house. "We're going over to see Madeline and Charlie."
Carlos saw Fiona load her paintbrushes and mixing bowls in her car.
"Are we painting?"
"Yep. We're teaching Charlie a few things today."
The two drove over to Madeline's house. Charlie was in old, stained clothes, waiting for Fiona and Carlos.
When Fiona got out of the car, Charlie ran up to her.
"Aunt Fi!"
"When did I become Aunt Fi?"
"Grandma said so."
"I wonder why your grandma told me to call me Aunt Fi."
"You're family."
"Oh. The only family you have, besides your grandma and uncle."
"No mommy. No daddy."
"I know. It's okay. I'm here. As long as I'm alive or not in trouble with the law, I'll be here. But let's not talk about that now. I brought Carlos."
"Carlos?"
"Aunt Fi's boyfriend."
"Oh."
"I'm going to show you the different types of wounds that happen on the human body with fake blood."
"The gelato place."
"Yep. The stuff I made at Gelato in the Grove."
"Does Carlos know?"
"He's about to find out."
Thirty minutes later, Carlos' chest was covered in various fake blood marks painted by Fiona. There was a thin line on one of his breasts; that represented an incision. A jagged cut under one of his breasts was Fiona's laceration demonstration.
Fiona painted a dot on Carlos' chest with a quarter inch brush. "And this is what a puncture wound would look like. They can come in various sizes. This one is more like an accidental needle prick. Not a lot of blood and it heals fast."
"Blood tests."
"Blood tests?"
"For physicals."
"Oh. So you're used to being pricked."
"Uh-huh."
"Are you two almost done, Fiona?" Carlos asked.
Charlie dumped the leftover fake blood on Carlos and started finger painting in it.
Carlos laughed. "I guess not."
"It seems this lesson on wounds was not as successful as I thought it would be. Charlie?"
"Yes, Aunt Fi?"
"It's time for us to see our friends we met in the gelato shop."
"Friends?"
"Yeah, you remember Taylor and Zach, right? The two people that were bossed around by those mean men?"
"Yeah."
"They found themselves a new place to work. And it sells ice cream."
"Ice cream?"
"I like gelato, but ice cream is just as good. Let's wash up."
"Fi, I need a shower."
"Oh, that's right. We'll go to the ice cream place. You wash up. We'll be gone for about an hour unless another bunch of weasels decides to launder money out of this place we're going to. And when we get back, you can play basketball with Charlie."
Fiona drove Charlie to the nearest Cold Stone Creamery.
"They should be there today unless their hours got switched. Let's go see them."
"Yay!"
Fiona took Charlie out of his car seat. Together, the two walked into the Cold Stone.
Indeed, Taylor and Zach were working at the Cold Stone that day.
"Hi, Fiona," Zach said from behind the ice cream counter. "How are you?"
"Charlie and I are great. I see you two have found your footing again."
"We have. It didn't take us long to readjust from that gelato place to here. And we like it much better here."
"I can see that. Since I don't think you have time to talk to me all afternoon, Charlie would like a small bowl of strawberry ice cream with strawberries."
"Your nephew doesn't change, does he?"
"Well, not right now. And I'll have a small bowl of your favorite creation from the menu that has chocolate ice cream in it. I'm not picky."
"Will do."
Fiona and Charlie watched Zach beat out and mix their ice cream on a stone slab and put the ice cream in bowls. They picked up their ice creams at the register, where Taylor was at.
"It's nice to see you again, Fiona. Thank you so much."
"You're welcome. And if you stumble across anyone that needs my help, pass my name around and tell them to talk to someone at Carlito's. It's the best way to contact me."
Taylor winked.
Fiona paid for the ice cream.
"Since this is a place where tips are welcome, I'd like to give you this."
Fiona put a dollar in the store's tip jar. Zach, Taylor and the rest of the employees on duty sung a tip song to the tune of the Addams Family theme song.
After the tip jar song was over, Charlie and Fiona got a table near the window in the Cold Stone.
"I hate to get all sentimental with you, Charlie, but where I come from…"
"Ireland. You have brothers."
"That's right. I have five brothers," Fiona said between bites. "And I had a sister, but she was killed."
"That's sad."
"I know. Her death led me here. It's a long story. It's always a long story, isn't it? But I'll have time to tell it to you. I had to flee Ireland because there are people after me."
"Always after you."
"It's my fault. I did things against them. I betrayed some people. I did illegal things and other people want me for those illegal things. Some people want to harm my family. Some want me dead. Some want me in prison. It's not safe for me to come back. The next time I go back, I think I'll be dead."
"Where's Ireland?"
"A small island across the Atlantic Ocean. I can show it to you on a map at your grandma's. But what I'm trying to say is I can't ever contact my family again because of these people. And I don't know if my brothers have children of their own now. I don't know if I am an aunt."
"You're my aunt."
"I know, even if I'm not related to you. And I'm going to try to be the best aunt you'll ever have until I die."
"Ice cream?"
Fiona nodded. "Yeah, you're right. I'm being too somber and morbid. Let's eat ice cream."
And that was Fiona and Charlie's "date:" talks about toys and boys over ice cream and early 90s pop music in a Cold Stone Creamery. Fiona couldn't have asked for a better date.
Author:
merryghoulArtist:
hollymarchosiasFandom: Burn Notice
Type: Gen
Rating: Teen
Word Count: 7208
Characters/Pairings: Fiona Glenanne, Charlie Westen, Madeline Westen, Carlos Cruz, OCs (background Fi/Carlos)
Warnings/Spoilers: No warnings apply. Story is set between the sixth and seventh seasons of Burn Notice.
Summary: A trip to a gelato shop isn't any ordinary trip with Fiona, and Charlie's come along for the ride.
Author's Notes:
This is also for
trope_bingo for the square "unexpected friendship."And, as always, ♥
Link(s) to Story Master Post/Chapters: Dreamwidth or my AO3
Link(s) to Art Master Post(s): marchosias_inc on LJ or hollymarchosias' AO3
A job with Carlos in Doral wasn't the most romantic of dates, but Fiona was determined to make it work. Along with the arsenal of weapons and zip ties she was packing in her duffel bag, she had also put plastic wine glasses and a bottle of red wine wrapped in newspaper in it. The bottle came from Publix; it was nothing expensive or special. But she liked the taste, and she hoped Carlos would like it as well.
Then Fiona's cell phone rang. She picked it up.
"Carlos?"
"I didn't know that was my new name."
"Oh, I'm sorry, Madeline, I thought you were Carlos."
"I know you were playing a stakeout in Doral this afternoon. But something's come up and I need your help."
"Sure. What do you need?"
"Can you pick up Charlie from daycare? I have to talk to someone from the Florida Department of Children and Families this evening and I can't find anyone to look after him. I called everybody I know. My friends, some of my neighbors, Sam, Jesse. Have you gotten in contact with Sam or Jesse today?"
"I tried to, but Sam told me he was doing a job somewhere in Central Florida with Jesse all day. The cell phone reception's bad out there. But what about my stakeout?"
"I'm sorry, honey, but if Carlos can't call off the stakeout, he'll have to go alone. I'm sure he'll understand."
"I'm not good around children, Madeline. I prefer playing with people that are at least over eighteen."
"I don't know how long the preschool can hold him without me being there. And I'm afraid if no one picks him up, he'll get lost in Coconut Grove."
Fiona sighed. "Oh, all right. I'll pick Charlie up."
"Thank you, Fiona. Do you know where Coconut Grove Preschool is?"
Fiona blew a raspberry. "Ask me about a place that's not in Miami and then I'll be stumped."
"I'll be home by six, I think. You try to get Charlie ready for bed and watch him until I'm there."
"Okay. Bye, Madeline."
"Bye, Fiona."
Fiona scowled. "I already put on my ass-kicking Jimmy Choos."
Fiona called Carlos to tell him he'd be going on the stakeout alone. Then she unpacked her duffel bag, leaving the wine and the cups on her kitchen counter. Maybe we can have an impromptu dinner date later, Fiona thought.
Fiona waited outside the gates of Coconut Grove Preschool for Charlie. When Charlie got out of the daycare up he walked towards Fiona.
"You're Fi," he said.
"Yeah, I'm Fi."
"Grandma's friend."
"Yeah, I'm your grandma's friend. I come over sometimes to see her."
"Why are you here?"
"Well, your grandma has to take care of business this afternoon. She told me to pick you up from preschool."
"Are you mean?"
"No, I'm not mean. Not to my friends. And I'm your friend."
"No you're not."
"We could learn to be friends."
"I don't know."
"Your grandma says you like ice cream."
"Strawberry."
"I can take you to this local gelato parlor near here and get you a small bowl of gelato. And we can get to know each other there. How about that?"
"Okay."
"I picked up your car seat from your grandma's. I'll put you in it and we'll head to the gelato parlor."
Gelato in the Grove served gelato, ice cream made with small amounts of air and a certain amount of butterfat. Like most gelato parlors, the gelato, placed in one-ninth steam pans, had toppings and fudge already in the gelato before it was served. The toppings were standard: sprinkles, fruit, nuts, cookie and candy bits and fudge. It wasn't the most spectacular eatery in Miami, but Gelato in the Grove worked well with Fiona's six PM deadline.
When Fiona and Charlie went into the parlor, Charlie saw a steam pan with the strawberry gelato in it.
"Strawberry. Want a strawberry bowl."
"You don't have to tell me that again."
Fiona went up to the cashier in the shop. She wore a name badge that read TAYLOR.
"I'd like to get two small bowls of gelato. A strawberry bowl for my little friend here—"
"I'm not your friend."
"And because I have to drive the little tyke to his guardian's, although your zabaglione gelato sounds tempting, I'll have a bowl of chocolate gelato."
Fiona picked up their gelato bowls from the scooper on duty, Zach. The two of them sat at a two-person table on the other side of the serving area and the kitchen. On the wall of Gelato in the Grove was a large snowman, drawn similar to the one from the Frosty the Snowman cartoon short from 1969, skating down a street in Coconut Grove on a skateboard. People, drawn in a cartoon style, young and old, were following the snowman with various gelato cones and cups in their hands. In the distance was a hammock—in this case, a strand of hardwood trees that interlinked with each other.
Other than Fiona, Charlie, Taylor and Zach, there was no one else in the parlor.
"So how was your day at preschool?"
Charlie ate his gelato. He didn't say anything to Fiona.
"Did you learn anything? Go outside? Get a scrape?"
No response.
Fiona joined Charlie in silence in eating their gelato.
When Fiona and Charlie were finished, Taylor walked to their table.
"I'm sorry, but you have to leave now."
Fiona blinked. "Why? The sign on your door says you're going to be open until eight today."
Taylor shrugged. "I'm sorry, miss, but you still have to go."
"Can't we stay here for a little bit longer? I'd love to talk to my friend."
"She's not my friend."
Fiona shushed Charlie. She laughed. "I haven't seen the kid in weeks. I'm a flight attendant. This is my last day with him before I fly to Montevideo."
"She's a bounty hunter."
Fiona laughed again.
Zach walked over to the table. He picked up Fiona by her shirt. Taylor took Charlie's hand.
"Yeah, miss," Zach said, "you gotta go."
The two pushed Fiona and Charlie out of Gelato in the Grove.
"Rude."
"I know."
"Let's go home."
"No, let's not go home. We didn't do anything to deserve being kicked out of the parlor. Something's up. See, Charlie? They're closing their blinds. We've got to get back in there."
"No."
"Yes."
"Let's go home. See Grandma."
"It's only four o' clockish. We've got time before your grandma comes home. Don't you want to see what's going on?"
"No."
"You're coming along anyway."
Fiona picked up Charlie. Charlie didn't protest. The two went to the back of Gelato in the Grove.
"You have long hair." He started putting his fingers in Fiona's hair.
"Yes, I know my hair is long."
"Why?"
"I like it. I cut it short to about my shoulder blades a few years back. I tried bleaching it lighter for a while, but I realized I missed my hair being this color and length. So I let the bleach fade and I grew my hair out."
"It's very long."
"I love it."
Fiona put Charlie down. "We're here."
"We get in?"
Fiona nodded. She showed Charlie her wrists.
"You have bracelets."
Fiona pulled a hairpin off of on one of her bracelets. "Sometimes you need to pick a lock with a hairpin. This is one of those times. I wouldn't suggest you do this unless you need to."
"Why not?"
"Unless it's a place you own, it's illegal. I'd explain more, but we're in a hurry. You stay there, okay?"
"Okay."
Fiona picked the lock with her hairpin. Once she got the door unlocked, she opened it.
She looked behind her shoulder. Charlie wasn't behind her. He was walking towards a dumpster.
Fiona sighed. She took off her wedges. One of them kept the back door open after she cracked it. The other was in her hand when she walked barefoot to pick up Charlie. The hot pavement scalded her feet but she didn't think about the discomfort she was in.
"I've got the door unlocked. We're going back in."
Fiona put Charlie back on the ground. She took his hand. She opened the door with her free hand and lead Charlie aside.
As soon as she was back inside Gelato in the Grove, Fiona let go of Charlie and put her wedges back on.
Charlie wandered to Gelato in the Grove's kitchen. There, he saw Taylor and Zach with two aluminum baseball bats near a gelato machine. Beside the machine was a steam pan with strawberry gelato in it.
Charlie started running towards the steam pan with the melting strawberry gelato. Fiona was able to grab him, but not before her wedges could be heard clicking on the kitchen's floor. She mouthed "shit" as soon as she grabbed Charlie. Charlie didn't see her mouthing "shit." Thank God, she thought.
Fiona ran with Charlie into the men's restroom. She twisted the lock to the door and put her back against it. Then she slid down to the floor.
Charlie laughed.
"Shh. We don't want Taylor and Zach to know we're here. "
"Why not?"
"I want to know why there are aluminum bats beside a working gelato machine. But we need to hide before we can find out."
"Where?"
Fiona pointed to the toilets.
"You're going to sit in my lap, and you're going to have to be quiet and not move."
"No lap."
"You don't have a choice."
Fiona took off her wedges again. On her toes, she ran to the handicapped stall furthest from the bathroom's door. She put the wedges in the handicapped stall's sink. Then she grabbed Charlie's hand. Fiona closed the lock to the stall. She sat on the toilet with her feet against the bathroom's wall, out of sight from the stall dividers.
Charlie did as he was told for once and sat in whatever Fiona's lap resembled at that moment. Fiona held on to him.
The two of them sat on the toilet for a while, not moving, not making a sound. Then the bathroom door was unlocked and swung open.
The employee kept the door open for a while.
"Huh. Don't remember locking this." It was Zach.
Zach locked the door back. He closed the door.
"Get up now?"
"Are you going to be as quiet as you can while I check the door?"
"Maybe."
"Maybe?"
"Bathrooms are boring."
"I'm going to take that as a yes."
"Yes."
Fiona shook her head.
"Get down?"
"Yes, you can get down from the toilet seat. I have to check the door."
"Okay."
Charlie hopped off of Fiona's lap. Fiona followed him.
Fiona walked on her toes and unlocked the men's bathroom. Then she tried to pull the door's handle. The handle wasn't moving.
She lied on the floor, peering through the crack at the bottom. She saw chair legs.
"Door isn't locked."
Fiona tried opening the door again. "Charlie, I'm afraid it is locked. Our friend Zach the scooper must've locked us in."
"I want out."
"I'm going to get us out."
"How?"
"I'll need to knock the chair down and blow our cover. It's the only thing we can do."
Charlie pointed towards the overhead vent in the bathroom.
"You want me to crawl through the vent."
"Yeah."
"I'm guessing you like Toy Story."
"I like Toy Story."
"I'm not an animated toy, Charlie. Crawling through vents isn't clean. Or safe. Your grandma doesn't want me cut up into dirty stew meat if I run into a fan."
"Stew meat?"
"Chunks of meat. You put them in a stew. It's like a soup with meat and vegetables, but you don't cook it like soup. And I don't think I'm meant for human consumption."
Charlie laughed.
"I'm sticking with knocking the chair down before we get out. Let me get my shoes before they become waterlogged."
Fiona shook her head and went back to the handicapped stall.
"The day I wear my as…butt-kicking Jimmy Choos and they end up in a bathroom sink. At least they didn't end up in the urinal."
Fiona grabbed her wedges and put them by the bathroom door.
"Now to knock down this chair."
Fiona looked around the bathroom. There wasn't anything not attached to the wall or the floor of the bathroom she could use, like a broom, a toilet cleaner or a plunger. She shrugged, stood up and put her left shoulder against the part of the wall near the bathroom door. She jiggled the handle up and down until the chair fell off the handle.
After the chair thudded to the ground, Fiona put back on her wedges.
"Open the door?"
"I'm expecting someone to come."
And sure enough, someone did come. This time, it was Taylor.
"I told you the chair wouldn't stay on, Zach. Didn't I tell you to get pennies from the drawer and stick them in the door?" She sighed. "Let me see if there's someone inside the bathroom."
Taylor opened up the bathroom. She was dragged into it by Fiona. Fiona gagged her mouth. Taylor tried to bite her hand. Fiona shook her head and pointed to Charlie, who was standing by the closest urinal.
"Not in front of the kid. And I'm used to the occasional bite in the palm by now. Next time, go for the wrists. It's creepier. And maybe you'll sever a vein or two."
Taylor stopped biting Fiona. "What?"
Fiona removed her hand from Taylor's mouth. "I've seen it happen before. What?"
Taylor looked at Fiona. "You're the lady that said you were a flight attendant. And then the kid over here said you weren't."
"He's right and you're right. I'm not a flight attendant. I'm a bounty hunter. But you may have heard of me before. Sometimes I help people in need. Sometimes I have a few sidekicks."
Fiona looked at Charlie. Charlie was looking in the urinals. She inhaled and continued. "One of them is MIA, but the other two are on a sidekick-only business trip. But usually they're somewhere in MIA. They're not as good as I am, but they try."
Taylor shook her head. "No, I don't know you."
"Okay. You remember the woman accused of blowing up the British Embassy here?"
Taylor nodded.
"That was me. I was on the local papers. One of my sidekicks said I even made the local newscasts. I'm lucky this city forgets faces. "
"Fiona Glenanne." Taylor gasped. "You're a terrorist?"
"Former terrorist. It's a long story. And I didn't blow up the British Embassy. I was framed, if you're wondering. But like I said, I can solve problems. And I'm guessing you have a problem."
"I do. It's our boss."
"Your boss?"
"He makes the place seem like it's successful. It's not."
"Well then, I can solve your problem."
"Without your sidekicks? I mean, except for that one guy."
"And a few other things I know how to use, but yes."
"Okay. I know this place doesn't look like it, but this place is owned by a money launderer."
Fiona sighed and shook her head. "There's never a month where I don't deal with money launderers."
"Really?"
"I'm from Ireland."
"You don't sound like you're from Ireland."
"That's also a long story, but when I was growing up there, Ireland was swimming in money launderers. A money launderer ripped off some of my brothers when I was a little girl. Whenever I hear about money launderers, I almost always try to get the money back."
"Another long story, right?"
"Yep. But something tells me this isn't the type of money launderer I want to take money from."
"Yeah, our boss is part of the Lippi clan."
"The Lippi clan?"
"They're Camorra. The family felt like they were losing their foothold in Naples against the other Camorra clans, so they immigrated here. It's easy for them to hide out and do criminal shit here—"
"Shh, not in front of the kid."
"Bad word."
Fiona nodded. "Well, at least he knows some of them already."
"Anyway, it's easy for them to do criminal things because the police are so focused on La Costa Nostra and the Russian Mafia here."
Charlie started crawling in and out of the stalls in the bathroom.
"Let me guess. The Lippis sell drugs and use this gelato parlor to launder the money with."
"How did you know?"
Fiona raised her eyebrows.
"Oh, right. Raised around money launderers."
"Pretty much. So why are you about to smash up a gelato machine? Nice choice of bat, by the way. You didn't let those mafia movies fool you. Aluminum bats are much more effective than wooden bats in smashing up things. They keep more energy so you can hit faster and harder."
"Um, thanks for the advice. Anyway, the Lippi brothers are fighting. Franco and Domenico, but they're known as Frankie and Dom. They lead the clan. Dom controls most of the drug trade. It's club drugs—you know, cocaine, ecstasy, K, and all that. Frankie came up with the Gelato in the Grove to launder money and to come in for the occasional stracciatella scoop. Dom would rather have a club. Dom thinks laundering money in a gelato place is stupid because who wants to buy drugs from someone that has a gelato place? Frankie thinks owning a club is stupider because the police will raid the club if there are drugs in it and their ties are severed from La Cosa Nostra and the Russian Mafia if the club gets raided. "
"And now we're at the part where—"
Charlie ran into Fiona.
"Sorry, Fi."
"It's okay." Fiona grabbed his hand, but Charlie broke it and ran around the bathroom again.
"We're at the part where you're about to hit your gelato maker with baseball bats."
"It's Dom's orders. He wants us to wreck the gelato parlor so Frankie will move on to some property for his club he's found on South Beach. He won't shut up about it. The place is south of Fifth Street, within walking distance of some condos, Nikki Beach, and Joe's Stone Crab."
"And what happens if you don't wreck the parlor?"
"Dom kills us at eight. He told us he'll pay his officers at the police station to call it a murder-suicide."
"And I'd have my Walther, too, if I didn't have to pick up Charlie. But it's for the best. I want Charlie to have some innocence before he becomes a man." Fiona took a deep breath. "I also don't want Dom murdering you at eight. It's inconvenient for all of us. I can come up with a plan where no one gets shot and Frankie and Dom go to jail thanks to honest officers of the law."
"How are you going to corner Frankie and Dom without a gun?"
"Charlie?"
Charlie was running around the bathroom. Fiona walked over and cornered him in the stall.
"Charlie?"
"You're no fun."
"I need your help, Charlie."
"For the job."
"Yes. How'd you know I take jobs?"
"You and Grandma talk."
Fiona nodded. "Oh."
"I understand."
"I can see that."
"Will I be safe?"
"I promise you'll be safe. I can lure in those two idiots without any weapons or explosive."
Charlie laughed. "Idiots."
Fiona nodded and smiled. "Yeah, idiots."
"Okay."
Fiona took Charlie's hand.
"Now, let's see if we can stop Zach from beating the gelato machine."
"We can't keep it? Save it for us?"
"I wish we could, Charlie, but I don't know where it'll end up when the police close this place down for good. And I wouldn't trust Jesse to keep it. He might eat the machine whole."
Before Fiona set her plan in motion, she called Madeline.
"Fiona? Are you at the house?"
"I'm sorry, Madeline, but no. I got roped into a job."
"You got roped into a job with Charlie?"
"I know it sounds bad, but hear me out."
"This better be good. If anything happens to him..."
"I picked Charlie up from school and took him to the local gelato parlor. The employees kicked Charlie and me out after we finished our gelato. Turns out the gelato parlor launders money for drugs. They're also part of an Italian criminal ganged. The employees will get killed if they don't listen to one of the heads of the clan."
"And you're going to save the employees."
"They're innocent, Madeline. They don't deserve to be pawns between two feuding brothers that don't know how to launder money."
"Oh my God. I didn't know."
"Trust me, Maddie, if I knew what was going on, I would've taken Charlie to Cold Stone instead."
"Do you need me to swing by the place and pick up Charlie?"
"No. It'd be safer if you went home. I promise you Charlie's not going to be harmed by those men."
"You be careful, honey, and you keep Charlie safe, okay?"
"I will. Bye, Madeline."
Fiona, Charlie, Taylor and Zach were at a table in the dining room of Gelato in the Grove. There were two phones in the middle of the table, and they were pointed at Zach and Taylor.
Zach called Dom.
"Yeah, hello?"
"Dom?" Zach said.
"Zach. Is it done?"
"Yeah."
"You smashed the machine and the pans and the glass and things?"
"We're trying, but we're being interrupted by this woman and her kid. She's nuts. Maybe we need your help."
"A woman and her kid and the woman's nuts. I gotta see this. I'm comin' over with reinforcements."
Dom hung up.
Taylor called Frankie.
"Taylor, babe, how's it going?"
"Everything's fine. Listen, there's someone suspicious stalking us at the restaurant. Some crazy lady. Long hair, looks like a witch or some eccentric homeless woman or something. She's got a kid. She's trying to run out of the restaurant with our gelato, saying the kid'll die if she doesn't stuff him with it. We had to close early because of this nut."
"Can you handle it or do you need me?"
"Yeah, we need you. We're very close to the woman breaking some glass and threatening to cut us."
"Hold on, babe. I'll be right over."
Frankie hung up.
"You don't break glass," Charlie said.
"If someone I loved were trapped in a building, then I'd break glass. Or if someone was threatening someone I loved. But not for gelato."
"You sound scary."
"I promise I won't scare you, Charlie. Not enough to make you hate me."
"Okay."
Fiona turned to Taylor and Zach. "You sure those idiots park far away from each other?"
"Yeah, we're sure," Taylor said. "They park at other buildings and walk here. They say it's to avoid the police, but that's bull."
"That's great. Strange, but great. Now, can you two whip out some strawberry gelato? You don't have to put any toppings in it. It's more convincing if you make it strawberry gelato."
"Strawberry!"
"See? We'll have to knock over a few things. And to make it look like people did get hurt while not wrecking this shop, I'm going to need corn syrup, food coloring, chocolate syrup, a mixing bowl, and a cloth bandage. Oh, and I also need a soda can and some scissors. I'd prefer an empty soda can, but I'm fond of anything that kinda tastes like Coke."
"Fiona," Taylor said, "we've got no time for a food break."
"Oh, no, we're not eating this. We're making fake blood, and since you mentioned corrupt police officers, I'm making something very special for myself in case I need it. But back to the fake blood. Who wants to get a nasty fake injury today?" Fiona grinned.
"Me!"
"Oh, I'm sorry, Charlie. It's not going to work if I get fake blood on you. But we can make fake blood the next time I come over to your grandma's. And we can coat Carlos in it!"
Fiona created the fake blood by mixing together the corn syrup and some tap water together in a bowl with a spatula. She did this in front of Charlie at one of Gelato in the Grove's tables.
"Add food dye?"
"Soon. But you'd better let me add it or it might look too dark. This has to look like blood or I can't fool anyone with it."
Next, Fiona added red, blue, and green food coloring until the fake blood looked like the blood that would come out of a vein. The final touch was to add the chocolate syrup until the fake blood was darker and stickier.
Zach came to Fiona's table with the cloth gauze. "I'm going to be the one who's fake hurt," he said to Fiona.
"Give me your right hand."
Zach did what was asked of him.
"We're not going to use all of it. We're going to use enough so that some of the blood seeps through the bandage when I wrap it."
"Okay."
Fiona traced straight lines of fake blood near the base of Zach's thumb until she had made a small pool with it. She then wrapped his hand and made sure the fake blood seeped out of some of the bandages.
"I wouldn't try to act like you're in pain. I'll do the acting. You be the straight man."
Zach nodded.
"Now to the can."
Fiona poked a hole in the empty soda can. She cut a small rectangle out of the can metal.
"What's that?"
"A shim."
"Shim?"
"It's like when Wile E. Coyote tries to drop a boulder on the Road Runner using a piece of wood. Except my shim is a smaller metal one. And I'm not going to be crushed by a boulder when I use my shim."
"What's it for?"
"It's for another purpose. I hope I won't need to use it, but I have a feeling I might have to. Do you promise not to tell anyone about the shim?"
"Yes."
Fiona looked at Charlie. "I see that if I showed you how to make fake blood earlier, we would've gotten on a bit easier."
"Gooey! Sticky!"
"Oh, you like messy things."
"Yes."
"No wonder why we're here."
Fiona stood up and hid the shim in her left back jean pocket.
"Okay, let's get ready for these bad men about to come in here."
Fiona looked out one of Gelato in the Grove's windows until she saw a guy in a grey suit walk up to the storefront. She described the guy to Taylor and Zach, who were at the gelato counter. Charlie was in front of it.
"Yeah, that's Dom," Zach said. "He always wears a Bottega Veneta suit. He thinks he looks younger in it. He doesn't."
Fiona ran up to the counter. She missed the two police officers behind Dom.
"Showtime."
Taylor gave Fiona the end of the steam pan with the strawberry gelato in it.
"Can I have some?"
"A little bit. But after we're done with the Lippis."
Dom unlocked the door. Two police officers followed him.
Fiona pulled the steam pan away from Taylor. Taylor pulled the pan back. Fiona gave Taylor a wild-eyed look. Meanwhile, Charlie was jumping up and down, cheering Fiona's guise on.
"It's mine!" Fiona hissed. "The pan is mine. My child will die if you don't hand it over."
"Lady, we don't give gelato out for free."
"I saw you give out samples at Dolphin Mall! You give your gelato out for free. Lies!"
"Hey, kids." He waved his hands in the air. "I'm a bit disappointed in you. A few tables and chairs knocked over. I wanted to see more destruction."
"We were trying to destroy the restaurant," Zach said. His hand was the one Fiona coated with fake blood and covered with a cloth bandage. "All of a sudden this crazy woman barged in with her kid and was like, 'give me gelato for my kid or he'll die.'"
"I'm not crazy!"
"She made me slash my hand on one of the steam pans. I had to stop to take care of myself. Unless you wanted me to get some sort of infection."
Dom stomped the floor. "None of this is gonna work now."
"Dom, why are the police here?" Zach asked.
Dom growled. "They're my men, the men I was going to declare you dead if I made you dead. They're also my reinforcements. They was going to arrest you after you wrecked the place."
"What?" Zach said.
"I have to make this look clean, you know? You two wreck the place and spend a night in jail. You'll get the best beds, I promise. I pay my men behind me for the job. You two go to the judge. He gets you two a minor charge that gives you a few hours of community service. Bam, you two are off the hook."
Zach shook his head. "I didn't ask for a criminal record, Dom."
Dom shrugged. "Hey, them's the rules."
"Dom, what did you just say?"
A guy in a white Miami Heat shirt and jeans walked up to the police officers and Dom.
"I thought you cared about the business, Dom."
"You know I didn't care about the business, Frankie." Dom sighed. "What do I do? What do I do?" He threw his hands down. "Just…arrest the crazy long-haired woman. Book her first. Grab her kid and we can keep him in the station or something. Probably have to go to social services. That's a bit stickier than the fake charges. Then we'll come back and get the others."
"What's the long haired woman doing, Dom?"
"Look at her. She's playing tug of war with a tray of gelato. And who grows their hair out like that anyway except hippies? The hippie thing died in 1969 with that concert thing, whatever that thing is."
"You didn't tell her to do that?"
"No, I don't even know that woman."
Dom's policemen went up to Fiona and Taylor.
"Miss," one of the policemen said to Fiona, "you're under arrest for disturbing the peace on private property."
Fiona gave a wide-eyed look to the policeman. "Private property? No one owns anything on this planet."
The police officer that spoke to Fiona went behind her and put her hands behind her back. Taylor grabbed the tray with the gelato in it.
"We're going to book you. Then maybe we'll take you to South Florida State Hospital. Don't worry. You'll be all better some day. Maybe. Probably not."
The police officer handcuffed Fiona and led her out the gelato parlor.
The other officer grabbed Charlie's hand.
"No go."
"If that woman's lookin' after you, you gotta go. Trespassing by association." The cop picked Charlie up. "Let's go."
Fiona pulled the shim out of her pants with the fingers of her left hand. She gripped the pocket so she wouldn't drop the shim on the floor. When she was able to palm the shim, she grabbed it with her right hand. The shim was placed between the lock and the teeth of the left handcuff. Fiona was able to fold the shim so the shim could cover the teeth. Keeping her palm on the shim, she pushed down on the cuff.
Charlie saw when Fiona freed herself from the left handcuff. He broke the second police officer's grasp and ran towards the bathroom. The second police officer stopped and ran after Charlie.
Dom laughed. "We'll have to give that brat some Adderall when we get to the station. Calm him down. And after the wild woman and her kid are gone, we'll get back to you, Frankie."
Fiona freed herself from the other handcuff. She let the shim and the handcuffs fall to the ground.
The first police officer heard the cuffs hit the floor. He blinked.
"What the hell? I just cuffed you."
The officer leaned down to pick up the handcuffs. Fiona gave him an elbow to the face. The officer groaned.
"You—"
Fiona kicked the officer in his scrotum with the heel of her wedges. She grabbed the handcuffs, handcuffed the officer, placing his wrists behind his back, and slammed him against one of the walls. She gave out a dramatic sigh. "I hope that was enough to prove my mental competence."
The Lippi brothers looked at Fiona and the first policeman in horror as said policeman slumped against the wall, still reeling from the scrotum kick.
"Are you police? Dear God, I hope you're not police," Frankie said. "Mio dio."
"Oh, I'm not police. But I'm a bounty hunter."
"Mio dio," Dom added.
"I'm going to kick your butt. I'd say something else, but we have a minor in the building. Gotta keep it somewhat PG."
Dom laughed. "You? This little old woman with the scars and the hair? You got lucky with that moron over there."
Fiona tilted her head to the side. "Maybe I should've said I was police. Then you'd take me seriously."
Fiona lunged for Dom, but Frankie tripped her. She recovered and stood on her feet.
"Little woman, you can't take us both on at the same time."
Charlie ran out of the bathroom. The second police officer was following him. Zach ran from behind the gelato counter and followed the second police officer. He grabbed him and slammed him against the wall.
Charlie hid in a corner, away from the Lippi brothers and Fiona.
The Lippi brothers cornered Fiona.
Dom laughed. "I think I'll start by ripping off your—"
Taylor hit Dom in the head with an empty steam pan. He fell to his knees. His face landed on the floor, as if he was in a cartoon.
Frankie froze before running to the front door. Before Fiona could catch him, Frankie ran into the door.
Fiona nodded and hummed. "That ended better than I thought it would end."
She saw Charlie in the corner and picked him up.
"I'm so sorry you had to see that," she whispered.
"I'm okay, Fi." He put his head on her shoulder.
"What are we going to do about the Lippis and Dom's policemen, Fiona?" Taylor asked.
"I've got an idea."
Zach called the police.
"Hello? I work at Gelato in the Grove. My boss and his brother got here and got into a fight in here. My boss' brother was going to set up my boss with these two officers he paid off and have him arrested for fake charges. My co-worker and I had to hide while the four of them were fighting. And it seemed like my boss' brother was on something. I'm not sure, but I heard he has drugs in his car. It's a Porche Spider, by the way."
Meanwhile, Fiona and Charlie hid out in Fiona's car, across the street from Gelato in the Grove. Charlie was eating out of a small cup of strawberry gelato.
"Go home soon?"
Fiona nodded. "We're going home soon so I can tuck you into bed. We're going to wait until the police come."
"Why?"
"We've got to make sure those men in the restaurant get arrested. Otherwise they're going to fight and make the lives of the servers bad. If you want to go to sleep, I can lay you down in the back seat until we get ready to leave."
"It's okay."
The police, along with a drug-sniffing dog, came to Gelato in the Grove. After a few moments, the honest policemen arrested Dom, Frankie and Dom's policemen. Dom's Ferrari Spider was also opened up. Indeed, some of the drugs the Lippis laundered were in Dom's car.
Fiona, satisfied that the impromptu job was done, drove away from Gelato in the Grove and went to Madeline's house.
After he was wearing his pajamas, Fiona and Madeline tucked Charlie into bed.
"I'm so sorry about this afternoon," Fiona said to Charlie and Madeline.
"It was fun! Thank you, Fi."
"I'm glad you enjoyed your little evening out with Fi. Now it's time for you to go to sleep. It's well past your bedtime."
Madeline kissed Charlie on his forehead. He went to sleep. She let Fiona leave Charlie's room first before shutting the door.
"I don't know how many times I have to apologize on how this evening went, Madeline."
"Oh, honey, you don't have to apologize. If there's anyone I'd want around my grandson, it's any of Michael's friends. But I wish Michael was here. He shouldn't be…wherever he is now that Charlie's staying with me. We'll have to hold out hope that we'll see him again someday."
"Yeah, me too. Charlie needs his uncle. But I can convince Carlos to come over more, if that helps."
"Carlos is always welcome to come over. But I can't see him replacing Charlie's uncle."
A couple of weekends later, Fiona invited Carlos to come over to Madeline's. It wasn't what Carlos was expecting.
"I need you to wear some clothes you don't care about," Fiona said before the two of them left their house. "We're going over to see Madeline and Charlie."
Carlos saw Fiona load her paintbrushes and mixing bowls in her car.
"Are we painting?"
"Yep. We're teaching Charlie a few things today."
The two drove over to Madeline's house. Charlie was in old, stained clothes, waiting for Fiona and Carlos.
When Fiona got out of the car, Charlie ran up to her.
"Aunt Fi!"
"When did I become Aunt Fi?"
"Grandma said so."
"I wonder why your grandma told me to call me Aunt Fi."
"You're family."
"Oh. The only family you have, besides your grandma and uncle."
"No mommy. No daddy."
"I know. It's okay. I'm here. As long as I'm alive or not in trouble with the law, I'll be here. But let's not talk about that now. I brought Carlos."
"Carlos?"
"Aunt Fi's boyfriend."
"Oh."
"I'm going to show you the different types of wounds that happen on the human body with fake blood."
"The gelato place."
"Yep. The stuff I made at Gelato in the Grove."
"Does Carlos know?"
"He's about to find out."
Thirty minutes later, Carlos' chest was covered in various fake blood marks painted by Fiona. There was a thin line on one of his breasts; that represented an incision. A jagged cut under one of his breasts was Fiona's laceration demonstration.
Fiona painted a dot on Carlos' chest with a quarter inch brush. "And this is what a puncture wound would look like. They can come in various sizes. This one is more like an accidental needle prick. Not a lot of blood and it heals fast."
"Blood tests."
"Blood tests?"
"For physicals."
"Oh. So you're used to being pricked."
"Uh-huh."
"Are you two almost done, Fiona?" Carlos asked.
Charlie dumped the leftover fake blood on Carlos and started finger painting in it.
Carlos laughed. "I guess not."
"It seems this lesson on wounds was not as successful as I thought it would be. Charlie?"
"Yes, Aunt Fi?"
"It's time for us to see our friends we met in the gelato shop."
"Friends?"
"Yeah, you remember Taylor and Zach, right? The two people that were bossed around by those mean men?"
"Yeah."
"They found themselves a new place to work. And it sells ice cream."
"Ice cream?"
"I like gelato, but ice cream is just as good. Let's wash up."
"Fi, I need a shower."
"Oh, that's right. We'll go to the ice cream place. You wash up. We'll be gone for about an hour unless another bunch of weasels decides to launder money out of this place we're going to. And when we get back, you can play basketball with Charlie."
Fiona drove Charlie to the nearest Cold Stone Creamery.
"They should be there today unless their hours got switched. Let's go see them."
"Yay!"
Fiona took Charlie out of his car seat. Together, the two walked into the Cold Stone.
Indeed, Taylor and Zach were working at the Cold Stone that day.
"Hi, Fiona," Zach said from behind the ice cream counter. "How are you?"
"Charlie and I are great. I see you two have found your footing again."
"We have. It didn't take us long to readjust from that gelato place to here. And we like it much better here."
"I can see that. Since I don't think you have time to talk to me all afternoon, Charlie would like a small bowl of strawberry ice cream with strawberries."
"Your nephew doesn't change, does he?"
"Well, not right now. And I'll have a small bowl of your favorite creation from the menu that has chocolate ice cream in it. I'm not picky."
"Will do."
Fiona and Charlie watched Zach beat out and mix their ice cream on a stone slab and put the ice cream in bowls. They picked up their ice creams at the register, where Taylor was at.
"It's nice to see you again, Fiona. Thank you so much."
"You're welcome. And if you stumble across anyone that needs my help, pass my name around and tell them to talk to someone at Carlito's. It's the best way to contact me."
Taylor winked.
Fiona paid for the ice cream.
"Since this is a place where tips are welcome, I'd like to give you this."
Fiona put a dollar in the store's tip jar. Zach, Taylor and the rest of the employees on duty sung a tip song to the tune of the Addams Family theme song.
After the tip jar song was over, Charlie and Fiona got a table near the window in the Cold Stone.
"I hate to get all sentimental with you, Charlie, but where I come from…"
"Ireland. You have brothers."
"That's right. I have five brothers," Fiona said between bites. "And I had a sister, but she was killed."
"That's sad."
"I know. Her death led me here. It's a long story. It's always a long story, isn't it? But I'll have time to tell it to you. I had to flee Ireland because there are people after me."
"Always after you."
"It's my fault. I did things against them. I betrayed some people. I did illegal things and other people want me for those illegal things. Some people want to harm my family. Some want me dead. Some want me in prison. It's not safe for me to come back. The next time I go back, I think I'll be dead."
"Where's Ireland?"
"A small island across the Atlantic Ocean. I can show it to you on a map at your grandma's. But what I'm trying to say is I can't ever contact my family again because of these people. And I don't know if my brothers have children of their own now. I don't know if I am an aunt."
"You're my aunt."
"I know, even if I'm not related to you. And I'm going to try to be the best aunt you'll ever have until I die."
"Ice cream?"
Fiona nodded. "Yeah, you're right. I'm being too somber and morbid. Let's eat ice cream."
And that was Fiona and Charlie's "date:" talks about toys and boys over ice cream and early 90s pop music in a Cold Stone Creamery. Fiona couldn't have asked for a better date.
