Ask A Robot

[merryghoul]

Title: Ask A Robot | AO3
Rating: PG
Characters: Jeff, Annie, Dean Pelton (on intercom), Vicki
Word Count: 636
spook_me Monster Prompt: robot
Content Notes: electrocution done for the sake of comedy
Summary: Inspired by a clip from "Paradigms of Human Memory."  Jeff and Annie fight robots gone amok on the first day of spring classes.
A/N: Set in season two.  For spook_me  (although this story is more humorous than scary).  Will not be posted on any Community websites until the spook_me  masterlist goes up.  Gen story, unless you think this story has romantic hints.  Like Annie.  ;)

Also, yes, the robots are based off of Cybermen.  This story was originally supposed to be an homage to the Doctor Who serial "The Chase."  The villains and story changed in my head as I was writing this.

 

"Good morning, Greendale! It's the first day of classes for the spring semester, so you may be confused as to where you need to go for your classes. Why don't you go see one of our Directional Robots? Tell them your class and they'll tell you the building and room you need to be in. Don't delay, ask a robot today."

"Hello. Um, I would like to get to"--

"Annie, what are you doing?" Jeff asked.

"I'm trying out one of the Directional Robots, like Dean Pelton said."

"Why are you trusting something Dean Pelton bought for the school? He's the one who bought MREs to our Halloween party and made us all sick to the point we had amnesia."

"Maybe these Directional Robots actually work without malfunctioning."

Jeff rolled his eyes. "Okay, okay. Let's try it out, but I doubt it will work."

"I would like to get to Art 201, Intermediate Jeffrey Techniques."

"I'M SORRY, BUT WE DO NOT HAVE THAT CLASS AT GREENDALE COMMUNITY COLLEGE."

"Sorry. I meant Art 201, Intermediate Pottery Techniques."

"EXPUNGE."

The robot did not reply to Annie.

"So...are you going to tell me where Intermediate Pottery Techniques is being held?"

"EXPUNGE."

"Okay...how about Math 327, Intermediate Statistics?"

"EXPUNGE."

The robot walked closer to Annie. "EXPUNGE."

"Jeff, what is this robot doing?"

Vicki walked in front of the robot. The robot grabbed her arm.

"YOUR INTELLECT NEEDS TO BE ENHANCED. EXPUNGE."

The robot tazed Vicki with its metal claws. She fell to the ground.

"Run!" Jeff screamed.

Students who were walking by Vicki and the robot started running down the hallway. Robots located on every hall of the building Annie and Jeff were in started repeating "EXPUNGE. EXPUNGE."

Several of the students started running past Annie. By the time Annie reached a corner in the hallway the robot was within a few paces behind her. Jeff ran through the crowd of panicked students and grabbed Annie's hand. "Come on!"

Jeff and Annie ran to a stairwell door. They ran up the stairway. Between the first and second floor there was a robot.

"YOUR INTELLECT NEEDS TO BE ENHANCED. EXPUNGE."

"My intellect does not need to be enhanced."

Jeff pushed the robot over the bannister, where it broke apart when it hit the floor. Jeff and Annie continued up the stairs until the two reached a ladder leading to the roof of the building. They climbed up the ladder and walked onto the roof. Five robots already on the roof walked towards Jeff and Annie.

"The fire escape's behind the robots, Jeff." Annie pointed to the fire escape. "What do we do?"

"Run!"

Jeff tackled two of the robots and drove them to the edge of the roof. Annie followed his lead and pushed another robot over the edge. Another robot, attempting to save the robot that Annie pushed off the roof, fell off the roof as well. The last robot walked behind Annie as she was watching the next to the last robot fall off the roof. Jeff grabbed the robot and pushed it over the roof. After the last robot crashed to the ground, Jeff and Annie climbed down the fire escape.

Inside the building Jeff and Annie escaped from, people were running from the robots. There were screams and explosions. Smoke was coming out of some of the windows.

"You know, I actually feel bad for those suckers that can't find the exits in that building. Hey, you wanna get lunch and wait for the rest of the group?"

"Sure, Jeff."

"This is the Dean. I've been notified that the Directional Robots are attacking students all over the campus. I've called the local police, since they're the only people in the county with guns"--

"EXPUNGE."

"No, no! My health insurance doesn't cover robot attacks. No"--