The Best Archaeologist in Mutter's Spiral (repost)

[merryghoul]

Title: The Best Archaeologist in Mutter's Spiral | AO3
Author:merryghoul
Rating: R
Pairing/Characters: Romana II/River Song, Romana I, mentions of the Fourth Doctor and Jack Harkness
Contains: sexual content
Spoilers: There's a mention of a brief memory of Romana's from the Big Finish audio Neverland.
Summary: Romana needs River to save Gallifrey's zinc hawthorns.
Word Count: 1342
A/N:
For jinxed_wood.

This story doesn't strictly follow Romana II's presidency in the Big Finish audios, so it's safe to say this story is AU and timey-wimey.

With thanks to pollyglump for the quick beta (all other errors my own) and Burn Notice, of all things, for the inspiration for this story.

Reposted because the original LJ entry ended up bunching itself together for reasons unknown.


Gallifrey was always a hot and dry planet. But one season, there was a drought that was so severe, most of the water on the planet away from Gallifrey's cities evaporated within days.

Lake Abydos was one of the areas most affected by the drought.

When Romana learned about the lake drying up, she tried to keep her composure. She was worried about two things at the lake: the singing fish and the zinc hawthorns. She couldn't be sad in front of her cabinet. She was Lady President, after all.

Although hawthorns grew on other planets, such as Earth, zinc hawthorns only grew on Gallifrey. They were among the only flowers in Mutter's Spiral that could shine in light. Romana couldn't save the singing fish. But there was a slight chance she could save the zinc hawthorns.

"Find me the best archeologist in Mutter's Spiral," Romana said to her cabinet.


The best archaeologist in Mutter's Spiral was River Song.

The Time Lords decided to pick up River Song at Luna University, on Earth's moon, while she was in the middle of teaching an archaeology class.

River looked in disbelief as the Time Lord sent to pick River up from Luna University barged into her class.

"Who are you?" River asked the Time Lord.

"Lord President Romana of Gallifrey requests your presence in the Capital."

"You had to interrupt my class to tell me this?"

"Yes. It's urgent."

River sighed. "Let me grab some things before you haul me off in your TARDIS. Class dismissed."

River leaned into the Time Lord's ear. "You'd better have me back in time for my next class next week," she whispered.


"Lord President Romana," River said as she was presented to Romana. "Hello, sweetie."

"Miss Song, I've been told you're the best archaeologist in the galaxy."

"I wouldn't consider myself the best in the galaxy, but I'm good."

"I need you to come with me to see if there are any remains of any zinc hawthorns in Lake Abydos."

"Zinc hawthorns? What happened to the hawthorns?"

"There was a severe drought here that affected most of the planet. It dried up Lake Abydos. If I can find any remains of the hawthorns, I can grow them here, in the Capital."

"Lord President, forgive me for asking, but looking for the remains of flowers in a dried lake sounds...petty."

"I know it does, Miss Song, but they're a part of my childhood. My family and I went to Lake Abydos when I was 60. I looked different then. I had brown hair and wore extravagant dresses. I know my robes don't suggest it now, but I used to be fashionable among Time Lords."

"I'd have to say your hair doesn't suggest you're in your old form."

"That too. It's a complicated story. I can tell you about it later, but the short version is I was forced to regenerate in the Doctor's TARDIS. Somehow the TARDIS didn't explode and the Doctor failed to notice I was regenerating. Clever man, but he was a bit too absent-minded then.

"As I was saying, I used to collect zinc hawthorns. I'd put one in my hair and take a few with me to take to my home. It would be a shame if this drought claims them. Can you help me see if I can find some to grow them in the Capitol?"

"Help you? I'm always up for a challenge. Do you need to ask?"

"And Miss Song? Please call me Romana. I'm only fond of the title when it comes to business matters."

"Well, in that case, please call me River."


Romana, dressed in her pink coat she wore when she was travelling with the Doctor, travelled to Lake Abydos with River, in her archaeology outfit, and a guard from the capitol.

"I really wanted to do this trip alone with you, River," Romana whispered out of the guard's sight.
River took out a vortex manipulator and put it on her arm.

"A cumbersome guard's no problem when you have one of these. I know, it's not a TARDIS. The Doctor's bragged enough about how powerful his TARDIS to me and one of my ex-students, Jack Harkness. I think the Doctor's trying to compensate for something. But it's enough for us to go on this adventure alone."

River ran up to the guard, took his hand and turned on the vortex manipulator. Seconds later, she returned.

"I left him in one of your Capital's prisons, if you don't mind. Figured it would be the best place for safekeeping. I'll take him out when we return, I promise."

Romana chuckled. "That's a clever place to stash a guard, River."

"When you've been imprisoned for a crime you didn't do, that's when your mind first goes to."


Lake Abydos was a nightmare. What was once a lake filled with water was now a drying crater. It smelt strongly of dying fish--the singing fish that once lived in the lake.

"I don't know of any singing fish anywhere else in Gallifrey," Romana said, standing beside where the lake once was. "They're extinct."

Romana froze. River put her hand around Romana. "You can't let your memories stop you now, Romana. We can't save the fish, but maybe we can save the hawthorns. That's what we're here for."

"You're right."

Romana pointed to a specific corner of the where the rushes of the lake once were. "We start searching there."

Hours later and neither Romana nor River saw signs of plant life at the bank. Romana dug and dug and River used all the archaeology tools she brought from the river, but they couldn't find a single root, stem, flower or seed of the zinc hawthorns.

Romana, covered in dirt, stood in the middle of the dug up bank.

"I'm sorry, sweetie, River said after the tent was up. "It's late. We're heading back to the Capital tomorrow."
River had brought a tent with her from Earth's moon. She put it together. Even after River retired to the tent Romana was still standing where the hawthorns were.


Night fell where River and Romana were on Gallifrey. Romana was lying on the bank, staring at the stars.
River walked out of the tent and to Romana. They both looked at the stars.

Romana cuddled up to River. River looked at Romana and kissed her. Romana blinked.

"It's not that I haven't been kissed by a girl," Romana said. "The last time that happened, I was at the Academy. And the girl ran away because I was more interested in my studies than girls. Or boys."

"Seems like you've missed out on a lot of fun in your life."

"I'm only 400 years old, I think. I'm not that old. Certainly still younger than however old the Doctor is."

"I know what you need. You need a little bit of fun. It'll take your mind off those flowers. We can look for them tomorrow, and if we can't find them, then we'll head back to the Capitol. Your planet needs you."

"I need you tonight, River."

"This is quite the booty call, Romana."

"Booty call?"

"I'll explain later."


In the morning, Romana and River woke up in the dug up bank. Beside them was a zinc hawthorn. They were naked and covered in dirt and sweat. The two held each other and laughed.

"It's a miracle, River!"

"I guess the earth of Gallifrey needed something to simulate it," River said.

"I guess it did."

"Are we going to collect this specimen now or later?"

Romana hugged River. "Let's collect it later. After we collect it, we've got to go back, pick up the guard and head to Gallifrey. I might never see you again."

"I hope you do. There are parts of Gallifrey few have ever seen. If I need an archaeologist, I'll try to call you. We can have more of those 'booty calls' you were talking about."

River smiled.

The two kissed by the bank as the hawthorn shone in the Gallifrey sun.

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[merryghoul]

Not even going to deal with the HTML nightmare caused by old DW coding by editing this in, so here's the Teaspoon link.